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[NSFW] in the latter half

Please make sure no one’s looking behind your back.

“…After that, they will ascend to heaven,” says Lian, pointing at the sky.

The cycle repeats again and again…

One day… Will become a star…

I’ve heard that story before.

That’s a passage in the Holy Book.

And you may say that, Lian, but you’re—

I wrap my arms around him.

“A-Alfred?”

That star reader said you’re “the star that doesn’t revolve.”

If that’s true, where will you return to?

What did she mean when she said “you don’t revolve?”

Why do you sometimes say the same things as that star reader?

Just like today. He led everyone directly to where Mite and Moot were. It’s like he managed to find their locations from analyzing the positions of the stars.

So many questions fill my mind, but I get the feeling that Lian will slip away from my reach if I let him know about them. Actually, it’s not just a feeling. For some reason, I’m almost sure of it. And now, I feel restless at not being able to ask any of my questions to him.

“Alfred?”

“The cycle repeats again and again, you say…”

“Yeah… Moot has also returned to the sky. And one day, he’ll reincarnate into this world,” says Lian. However, his eyes are trembling. He looks ready to cry.

“…That’s right. One day, as someone else.”

My response seems to ease Lian; he flashes a smile. “…Thank you.” Then he snuggles closer to me, pressing his forehead to my chest.

“What for?”

“Well, for… For a lot of things, you know.”

No, I don’t know.

When I tighten my arms around him, I can smell his usual mellow scent.

He’s also warm.

I’m really relieved by this.

“…Hey, you…” I say in a cautious manner.

“What?”

“…You’ll also enter the cycle, right? One day… you’ll become a star fragment in the sky, then reincarnate?”

…Is it okay for me to ask this?

Lian gulps. “I…”

What’s with that long pause? Why can’t you immediately answer me?

After that unnatural pause, Lian replies, “It’ll be nice if I can one day reincarnate…”

Why?

Why does it sound like he’s given up?

It’s as if he already knows that he won’t enter the cycle—

“Of course you will. I mean, why wouldn’t you?”

Hey.

Say that I’m right.

I beg you.

But no matter how long I wait, the words I’m praying for don’t come.

“…Hey, Alfred,” says Lian, lightly hitting my arm. “It hurts.”

Oh, seems like I unconsciously hugged him too tight.

Hurriedly, I loosen my hold on him. Lian lets out a laugh in between deep breaths, before telling me that I have ridiculous strength.

I keep getting bad signs. Signs supporting the words of that star reader.

And the more signs I see, the more anxious I get.

I hate it so much.

That’s why I want to touch him all the time.

When I’m touching him, he won’t be able to disappear anywhere. Because I can grab him and keep him in my arms.

Lian peers at my face. He breaks into a soft smile and brushes my bangs to the side of my face in a gentle manner.

Just like what he usually does to the kids when they feel unsettled.

“…It sure was tiring today, Alfred. Both for me and you. We’ve worked hard, so… let’s take a break now.”

Despite his words, I don’t want to release him from my arms.

Unable to move, Lian exhales a sigh, a troubled smile on his face. “…Do you want to sleep together?”

Together…

I nod. “Yeah.”

Then for some reason, he laughs at me.

What did I do?

Lian grabs my hands and pulls them off of him. Following that, he takes off his boots and climbs up the bed, lying down on one side, leaving half the space for me.

After taking off my own jacket and boots, I lie on the empty space he saved for me.

The urge to touch him is so overwhelming that I once again bring him into my arms. Lian obediently settles down in them with a tolerant expression, as if thinking he can’t just leave me alone.

I bury my face in Lian’s neck, and those warm arms wrap around my neck and head, gently hugging me. A soft and gentle fragrance enters my nostrils, and it’s like I’m standing in the middle of a field. My favorite scent. It never fails to calm me down every time.

I bring my face closer to his skin until I’m practically rubbing my cheeks against him. I want to smell that fragrance better.

On the top of my head, I feel the tremors of laughter.

“You really are a big kid.”

“…I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

I’ve already graduated from school. I’m working now too. Therefore, I’m an adult.

But Lian bursts into laughter a second time and strokes my head. “This is somewhat nostalgic… I still remember when I once did this same thing to you. You were crying at that time. Right after that, you slept like a little kid… Hmm, when was it again..?.”

What?

When did that happen?

What does he mean by “like a little kid?”

Also…

“…I’ve never cried before.”

“Oh, I remember now. It was during our summer outdoor trip at the municipal school. Back then, you wouldn’t move away from me no matter what I said. You were really clingy.” Lian chuckles in reminiscence, not listening to me at all. “But now, you’ve already grown this big, huh?”

The whole time, he continues stroking my head.

…Are you my father?

There are a lot of things I want to say right now, but the hand on my head feels too comfortable that I just stay quiet.

Then I notice the expanse of white skin before me and the slight scratch marring the base of his neck. Maybe a branch grazed him or something. The wound’s slightly red with a few drops of blood on it.

The sight of it bothers me, so I lick the scratch to disinfect it. A shiver runs through Lian’s body. “W-what are you…”

“You have a scrape on your neck. Looks like something grazed you earlier.”

“Huh?!” exclaims Lian, trying to scramble up from the sheets. “But you didn’t need to li—”

Seeing him try to run away, I chase him and start licking him again.

The warmth of his skin on my tongue is quite pleasant. He also tastes sweet.

This broke the dam restraining my desires. I want more. So I lick his neck and chin.

“Ah… Stop it, you idiot!”

I look up at him. Lian’s face is flushed as he tries to push my chin away, panting.

“Seriously… Be good and just sleep already—mmph!”

I cover his lips with mine, blocking the words from leaving his mouth. Not giving up, he opens his mouth a bit to protest, but I just use the opportunity to push my tongue in.

It’s hot inside Lian’s mouth.

I can feel his tongue, also hot, quivering. It somehow tastes very sweet too. I even wish I can lick it forever.

“Nnn… mph…”

Since Lian seems to be finding it hard to breathe already, I part from his lips. The moment I do so, he begins to pant heavily.

He was probably holding his breath. I told him to breathe through his nose…

After confirming that his breathing has stabilized, I once again plant my lips on his in a deep kiss, unbuttoning the button near his collar.

I want to touch him so, so much. I can’t take it anymore. I want to have proof that he’s still here with me.

Right now, it’s still not enough.

I need more. More confirmation that he won’t disappear from me.

Without any difficulty or mishap, I fully unbutton Lian’s well-tailored shirt.

I place my hand near his heart. I can feel the warmth of his skin and the beating of his heart underneath.

It’s such a relief that I want to cry.

Ahh.

Lian’s heart is thumping. He’s warm.

There’s no doubt that he’s right here before me.

This isn’t just a dream. So, there’s no way he’ll disappear.

After all, every part of his body I touch is this hot.

When I press his body lightly against mine, our crotches come into contact. And I notice that with each rub, more and more blood rushes through a certain organ, growing hotter.

Not just mine but also his.

After letting go of his lips, I see his trembling pale eyes, the color of melting ice, turn to me.

“Ah… Al…”

“Just a little.”

“What… a little… aah…”

Planting one foot in between his feet, I lightly press my thigh against his erection and rub it. Quivers wrack Lian’s back as he pants with such a sweet voice. Immediately after, he closes his mouth in a panic, his face bright red, before turning his head to the side out of embarrassment.

“…Lian.”