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Riftan rubbed his throbbing forehead and walked a little faster. All he yearned for right now was to return to his room and rest. He wanted to sleep and not open his eyes for at least two days.

However, upon arriving at Croix Castle, the urge to rest suddenly disappeared. He also felt that it would only trouble him more if he ran into his colleagues and the commander. Although he trusted them, he had no intentions of showing them his weak side.

He circled the garden and started walking along the deserted forest path. The throbbing pain in his head gradually subsided as he passed along the shortcuts he used to take when he carried charcoal or firewood on his back when he was a child.

He rested against a tree, leaning his back against its marvelous trunk, taking a moment to catch his breath. Suddenly, he realized where he actually was, his face hardening. Riftan sighed in despondency, gazing at the grayish-white outbuilding that peeped through the dense forest. He couldn’t believe he wandered all the way to that place. He trudged out of the forest, his shoulders drooping like a man weary from a long journey. The garden that he had seen countless of times in his illusions drew closer and closer.

However, it appeared completely different from how he remembered it. He frowned seeing the lonesome scenery: the flower bed that was lush with various kinds of flowers was now nothing but barren ground with growing weeds, surrounded by a strange silence.

…you don’t visit here anymore?

He bent down to pick up a dead flower, crumbling its dry petals with his fingertips. Perhaps she eventually came to neglect this place ever since she stopped staying in the outbuilding. Riftan laughed at the fact that even the place where his illusions took place was all bare. He stood blankly for a moment, rubbing the back of his head, then slowly turned away.

At that moment, he heard a shrill laughter coming from somewhere. Riftan turned his head, but he didn’t see anyone else in the garden. He stood blankly amidst the bleak wind, sensing a presence from a distance, and quickly moved to its direction.

As he circled the annex, his eyes found Maximillian Croix, crouching on the ground and playing with a big cat. He stood hidden, watching her. The girl was wearing a modest reddish-brown dress that was far from the dress she donned at the banquet. Her hair, which had been tightly braided and rolled up to secure every strand, was now naturally disheveled and flowed gently over her shoulder. Her ivory pale face had a young reddish blush.

A sharp pang made its way on his chest. The scene before his eyes was similar to his illusions, but he didn’t want to fall for her again like a complete fool. Riftan hurriedly turned around, anxious to be caught. Suddenly, an almost incomprehensible voice stopped him from his tracks.

“Y-you… Do you like me…?”

As if he was held back by a powerful force, Riftan couldn’t refrain from looking back again. She was speaking to the cat, which was lying by her feet, and she wore a solemn face. It was a funny sight, but strangely, he didn’t feel like laughing.

A smile crept to Maximillian’s lips as the cat stretched and rubbed its face against the hem of her skirt, like he understood her question. She carefully cradled the cat carefully in her arms and whispered to it like a playful child with a doll.

“T-then… a-always… will you stay by my side?”

She asked, with a startlingly unstable and pitiful voice. Riftan held his chest, feeling a numbness in the corner of his heart. The loneliness that she emitted was so clear that it felt like he could touch it with his hands. At that moment, he felt like she was someone closer than anyone else. He looked helplessly at her vulnerable face, then fled.

Looking up will only make you miserable. His stepfather’s voice echoed in his ears like he was having an auditory hallucination. Why did I forget? I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have come to see her. I shouldn’t have known that she’s still lonely.

Riftan grazed the edge of his lips with his trembling hands. The girl had the softest part of his heart. He shouldn’t have gone there and made himself aware of how easily she could capture his feelings with a single glance. The girl was rooted deep within his core before he had the chance to fall in love with anyone else, before he was able to defend his feelings with a hard shell. And yet, he feared that his only comfort and paradise would shatter.

Riftan violently kicked the ground, raging out of unfamiliar reasons.

What is it to me whether she’s lonely or not? He couldn’t understand why he felt that way to a woman who lived in a luxurious castle under the protection of a wealthy father.

Did you forget the frightened eyes she looked at you with? Stop, now. Until when will you dwell on such fallacious memories?

He fled from the scene, shaking the turmoil of confusion that battled in his heart.

***

Since then, he did not dare step near the outbuilding of the castle grounds and avoided attending the banquets as much as he could. However, her presence continued to spring his nerves like he had a thorn under his fingernails. It was unbelievable how he was able to encounter her so easily in such a vast castle.

He could effortlessly distinguish the sound of her footsteps no matter how far away she was, and he could understand all of her words, not missing a single one of them even if it was uttered in a whisper: all his senses seemed to be geared towards her existence. Merely looking at her from a distance made his whole being anxious.

Riftan was aware of how conscious he was towards her, but he had no way of controlling his own reactions. He was at his wits’ ends, dealing with the unfamiliar sensations he was feeling.

Back when he was young, he never thought of her as someone he would desperately covet. When he had thoughts of her, he felt a gentle affection. Whenever he saw her smile, his heart would feel warm. But what he felt now was incomparable to then, his feelings were intense and passionate to the point of being painful. When he thought of her, he didn’t feel comfort like he did before. Instead, his heart felt half-crippled and a strange yearning rose within him. Once, he dressed up as dashing as he could with the intention of talking to her, but it ended up being in vain when she stayed for only a few moments to show her face and immediately left the banquet.

He felt like an idiot, fixing himself in front of a mirror for an hour just to end up that way. Riftan asked Hebaron in a nonchalant tone, trying his best to hide his disappointment.

“Hey, do I look that terrifying?”

Hebaron, who was chugging a finest glass of wine like water, looked at him with widened eyes. Shortly, there was a hint of teasing on his face.

“I wonder which pitiful lady had goosebumps when she saw the vice-commander?”

Riftan managed to keep a composed expression. Even if he had to die, he didn’t want to admit that he almost caused that. As soon as Hebaron approached him, Riftan tried to erase the memories of how Maximillian had looked at him. Then, he spoke in a sarcastic manner, his voice quiet.

“The commander’s pestering me to be sociable.”

“So that’s why you’re dressing up so prettily these days?” Hebaron grinned, eyeing his outfit from head to toe. Riftan gripped the sword tied to his waist.

“Do you want to die?”

Hebaron hunched his burly shoulders ridiculously, exaggerating his fright and wearing a false terror on his face. “The problem is not the vice-commander’s appearance. The problem is your impassiveness! All you have to do is joke around, be talkative, and smile! Basically, people won’t get scared of us when men with physiques like us smile as much as we can. I’m wearing an arrogant face, yet people don’t shy away from me, right?”

Riftan kept his mouth shut as Hebaron’s words made sense. What he said would have been enough but he didn’t stop there. He continued to speak, criticizing Riftan. “Also, you have a grim aura surrounding you. When you stare at me, even if you don’t say a word, I get shivers. Who would dare approach someone who stands in the middle of a ballroom with sharp blade-like eyes like he’s in the middle of a battlefield? Even well-trained knights fear that, no wonder the ladies shrink away from you.”

His words only meant that it would be impossible for her to look at him without being frightened unless someone else’s souls possessed his body. For the first time, Riftan felt envious of the bear-like fellow. Hebaron was about half a head taller than him and weighed more than him but he could naturally converse with anyone as he pleased. Riftan took a sip of wine, drowning his bitterness.

“Come to think of it, you’re deep in your thoughts, vice-commander.” Hebaron said out of nowhere, a satisfied expression painted on his face.

“Are you finally to take over the position of being our commander?”

“…don’t jump to conclusions.” Riftan spat bluntly and stood up. Hebaron’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he appeared so determined to blatantly refuse the position.

“Most of the men who joined the Remdragon Knights enlisted because they admired the vice-commander. Even Uslin Rikaido, who had on offer to be a Royal Knight, chose to join us instead. Everyone thinks Riftan Calypse will be the commander! Until when will you dwell on your past origins?”

“…Don’t make it sound so easy.”

Riftan gave him a fierce glare. Hebaron Nirta was born from a fallen aristocratic family and had distinct features of a Whedon. Even though they both used to be mercenaries, he had a better background than him, who had the lowest of the lowest status. It annoyed him how the guy talked about their origins so casually.

“There are a lot of conservative nobles in Whedon. There’s no point in deliberately degrading yourself.”

Hebaron snorted. “We are heretics anyway so no matter what the nobles say about us, we just need to follow our own set of rules.”

Riftan felt riled up with Hebaron’s ignorantly simple logic and left the crowded banquet hall feeling disgusted. It wasn’t the time to be pathetic and desire a woman, it was ridiculous of him to act as such when there were other important things to think about. He removed the ornaments hanging from his neck and violently ruffled his well-groomed hair.

The tedious victory banquet was supposed to be over within the week. Once they left Croix Castle, he had to forever bid farewell to the idiot who dressed up like a clown just to get a girl’s attention. Riftan gazed at the dark sky and turned to the direction of his room.

Note – Nymeria: “The girl had the softest part of his heart”… I’M CRYING CRYING CRYING CRYING. Riftan was so lovely in this chapter, my heart can’t take it! T^T Also, my crush on Hebaron only keeps growing here lmao