YM778.TV Chapter 493 An Evening Walk
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~~~(POV: Cera Adamo)~~~
~~~(Location: Walking Country Side of Capital City Zenith, The Kingdom of Zenith)~~~
~~~(Time: 5:30 PM)~~~
Amelia came up with the good idea of going for a walk in the countryside around Zenith City. She enjoyed the short flight here. It helps that she closed her eyes most of the way. Turns out, she\'s scared of heights, which I didn\'t know before.
We\'re walking side by side in silence, and there are still a couple of hours of daylight left. Capital City Zenith is off to our left, and fields with crops are off on the right. Beyond those fields are forests.
Amelia has been quiet for a while now, but she\'s got a happy grin. I wouldn\'t know the joy a parent has when spending time with a child. It\'s different when compared to other joys. That\'s all I know.
"You\'ve been quiet... I don\'t want to seem rude, but you usually never stop talking when I\'m around."
I don\'t want to hurt her feelings, but it\'s the only way to broach the subject. When someone isn\'t acting like themselves, it\'s okay to ask what\'s going on.
"I\'ve just been thinking a lot about my future... I\'ve gained years to my youth thanks to becoming a Player, but now I feel like I\'ve regained all those years with my job as a noble... I have days where I want to grab the kids and run away..."
She might not know how common that is when someone with her type of life undergoes massive changes. To be honest, I don\'t even know what her dreams are... She might not even know...
"Well... What\'s something you\'ve always wanted to do? The thing that you\'d call a dream. Everyone has one, and don\'t say giving your kids a better place to live or making better lives for the less fortunate. Cause dreams are supposed to be selfish."
That last part is just my opinion. While dreams in themselves can be selfless in nature, chasing your dreams takes selfishness. People don\'t understand that selfishness isn\'t always related to doing something bad.
She stops in her tracks, and I see a look of confusion on her face. But her eyes are locked on the ground, and her world looks like it\'s spinning.
"I... I don\'t know... Is it alright to say that I\'m living my dream now? Giving better lives to those who need it, and raising the kids in the best environment possible... Is that a bad dream to have?"
Amelia has never given thought to a selfish dream... Most people have more than one dream... The fact this is the only one she\'s had doesn\'t surprise me. It\'s time that lay down another hard question for her to answer.
"Do you know who you are outside the loving mother and philanthropist you are? When was the last time you sat down and thought about who you really are? You\'re an amazing person and a wonderful mother, Amelia. But you need to find out who you are outside the charity bank."
That\'s the best way I can describe Amelia. A charity bank, and that\'s not a bad thing. I just want her to think about who she is outside that identity she\'s crafted. Everyone has layers to them, and if they don\'t. They eventually will from the choices they make.
She grabs her elbows and takes a deep breath as she looks toward Capital City Zenith. I walk over to her and stand next to her. Looking in the same direction she is.
"You\'re not supposed to be asking me these things at such a young age... I\'m the one that should be asking you this..."
Her voice has a mixture of exasperation, happiness, and some pride.
"I don\'t have an answer to any of those questions... I\'ve been so focused on others my entire life, that I don\'t know who I am as a person... But maybe I should as you the same thing... Do you know who you are?"
There are a lot of things she could\'ve said to me, but I\'m surprised that she turned my question around on me. She\'s picked up more from the nobles than she\'d like to admit... And that\'s a question that I don\'t want to answer.
"A monster."
She looks at me with wide eyes as I stare into the city...
It\'s the best answer I could come up with... I\'m a ticking time bomb of psychosis... Inconsistencies have built up within my personality, and I\'ve gained contradictory habits. Not to mention a homicidal and bloodthirsty streak.
There is a numbness in me... A switch that I can flip and turn into a different person... I\'m a sociopath. That\'s guaranteed. But sometimes, there are moments that all my regard for other people and creatures... Die... In me.
Having that distinction is what separates the monster from the rest of the world. And when I flip that switch, it disappears.
"You are NOT a monster! You here me!"
I failed to realize the world around me when silent, and I sunk into myself. The only thing that brought me back was Amelia raising her voice.
"You are a good man that does what he thinks is right. And you\'ve always protected the people who are innocent and have done you\'re best to help anyone who deserved it. I know cause I remember the announcements from The Church before I became a Player."
There are two sides to every coin, and the same can be said about people... Amelia thinks too highly of me, and she doesn\'t question a single thing I do. All because she thinks I\'m her son when I\'m not. I\'ve done some good things... But I\'ve done some worse things...
"A mother\'s opinion is always on the side of their children, mom... If you knew about some of the things, I\'ve done... The truth... You\'d never want to see me again... You\'d even condemn me..."
She looks heartbroken by my words, and she tries so hard to find words as she holds back tears. Her hands can\'t find a good place to rest on me. She takes them on and off like I\'m some damaged object. Her tears are falling hard, and her eyes are getting redder by the second.
"I don\'t know where you got it in your head that any of the things you\'re saying are true. But they\'re not. You hear me! Why is your opinion of yourself so low?! That insults everyone whos close to you and calls you a friend! Do you even realize that!?"
That\'s because I lie to everyone I\'ve ever met... Even Sally... The only one that knows the entire truth about me is Hailey, and I told her because we\'re the same person. Hailey and I are different in certain ways, but my sister and I both made decisions we had no business making.
She wraps her arms around me and hugs me. Holding me as tight as she can, but to her, it\'s like trying to hug steel. But that doesn\'t stop her. She closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. Crying at the same time.
"No matter what you think of yourself... I\'ll always love you, no matter what... I\'d give up everything and the world if it meant I could change your mind... But I can\'t do that... Change can only happen when you want it to... Another person can\'t force it..."
And she tells me that I\'m too young to be as smart as I am... There are demons in my head and life I need to face, one day... And I don\'t know what\'ll happen to the people in my life when I do... There are so many people in my life, that I don\'t deserve...
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A/N: Below this line, I\'ll be keeping Cera\'s player information. That way, I won\'t have to place it into the story above anymore. It takes about 180 words up.
[Slayer (Zern) Lvl.228][Tier-3]
[Exp: 42/100%]
[Title: The Son of Arch-Angel Michael (Hidden)]
[Stats] [Strength - 7095][Endurance - 7045][Dexterity - 7215][Speed - 8240][Focus - 19,660]
[Mana aura control: 6/100%]
[Health: 76,560,000,000/76,560,000,000] [Mana: 216,600,000,000/216,600,000,000]
[Stat Points: 350] [Armor rating: 500]
[Inventory] [Dice of Wayland (Divine)] [Hardened Tree sap Armor (Very Rare)] [The Witness (Legendary Sword)] [Fenrir\'s Whistle (Divine)] [Camping gear] [Food Rations 3x] [Dried meat 3x] [Fishing poles 2x] [Fish 8x] [Festival Garbs 2x] [4x EXP Boosts]
[Passive Perks]
[Inheritor of the Sword] [Son of Heaven] [Slayer of Evil] [Holy Willow Trees Savior] [Finder of Legends] [The Divine who has Legend] [Destined for Greatness] [Dungeon Diver] [An Overachiever]
[Active Skills]
[Heavens light Lvl.74 325/7400] [Protected by Heaven Lvl.74 225/7400] [Slash Lvl.92 4600/21000] [Parry Lvl.68 85/6800] [Double Strike N/A] [Kingslayer N/A] [Raging Machine N/A] [Winged Glory] [Angelic Flight] [Divine Pressure Exertion] [Divinity Pulse] [Controlled Fun]