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Chapter 158: Accepting a reality (1)

\'So, what then?\' Eldrian asked as he also received a system message.

[The second stage of the dungeon has been completed]

[Due to the nature of completion of the second stage, the reward will be renegotiated]

Following this notification came one about the hidden quest.

[Hidden Quest first stage complete]

[Find and save Vivian]

[Next stage: Return to the army to complete the quest.]

Eldrian did not read the notification right away, rather he focused on what Zamia and Agamemas were saying.

\'You show talent, but you clearly have gotten no real training. You were never in an elven settlement, so this does make some sense. Humans also have that stupid mentor system, did you accept any mentors?\' Agamemas asked.

Wondering if it had been wrong to do so, Eldrian admitted that he had. \'Yes, two in fact. One for blacksmithing and another for fighting.\'

\'I see, you should ask them to revoke the agreement. It will bring you little benefit.\'

\'Dear, I am certain the blacksmithing will be worth it.\'Zamia countered, certain that it was a worthwhile pursuit for someone so young.

\'Maybe... But do you think he has time to learn that along with how to truly fight?\' Agamemas countered back. Agamemas did not really know the condition of the surrounding kingdoms, so he was not certain how much time of relative peace was left. But from past experience, he knew it would not be much

\'Well...\' Zamia stopped speaking, this was something which she was not certain of. Eldrian did not have a few years, heck he might not even have months. He was already in the thick of it.

\'He needs to pick one thing to focus on. And only one thing.\' Agamemas said.

As Eldrian heard this he started thinking back to his start in the game, just around a month ago. Where he had first sought guidance in fighting through close combat. Before even coming near to competence he headed and started learning magic too. Then again before managing to really learn anything he moved on to also learn blacksmithing.

Eldrian felt this would not be wrong if he had plenty of time, but he did not. As Agamemas said, he was already fighting constantly. He did not have time to learn blacksmithing, not while the fighting was still going on.

Magic, this Eldrian felt was crucial and he had to keep training. He could also do this any place and any time, making it far easier to learn than blacksmithing. Something which requires specific materials.

He had to admit that he had rushed it all, yet how could he not. At the start, he did not know how little time he would have to prepare. It was not like this game was kind enough to give players time to settle in. They were directly thrust into the chaos, heck here he was on a mission again. One which would likely take months, far longer than he had been in the game.

How could he be ready for this? How could any player?

I have been acting dumb.Eldrian realized, he had still been treating this game as a game. He did not blame himself, this was indeed a game. What bothered him was that he always felt that it was more than just a game, yet his actions were still that of a player.

How should I treat this then?Eldrian asked himself as he looked to the group of NPCs he was with, not even knowing if he could call them NPCs anymore. By the classification he certainly could, they were still none player characters. But they were alive, they had lives and they could die.

Did I lead them here just for a quest, just to die for me? Eldrian wondered, wondering if he was the cause for Evapius and Cadriel\'s deaths. Feeling like he had brought them here to die for his quest, for his mission. Like a simple-minded player, someone who did not care.

This thought hit him hard, causing a feeling like his heart was grasped and squeezed. Tears forming in his eyes as he moved from simply thinking that the NPCs were more than simple NPCs. He moved to believing it.

No longer a philosophical theory, but something he felt was true. Something as true as that he was alive. Something which should not be argued.

The more he thought of this, the more Eldrian felt pained. Thinking of all the death he had already witnessed, of all those who had died on the first mission.

Of those who had died due to his quest...

Reaching this point, Eldrian no longer was able to maintain his composure. Like the walls of a dam breaking his tears started flowing. Falling onto his knees he struggled to breathe as many thoughts swirled through his mind. Trying to think of it logically, to analyze it, to measure the pros and cons.

He tried to tell himself that this was for the best, that they had saved Vivian. Yet he could not say this was worth two other people dying. He could not say they were worth less than Vivian.

He might not have known them well, but they were certainly decent people. No, they were more than that. They were good. Having come along for this mission. Not for themselves, but for their kingdom.

But, it is a quest... A military mission... Eldrian tried to convince himself but failed again. It might have been, and they did need to find out what was attacking their scouts. But was it necessary to take such a dangerous approach?

He could have tried a different approach, where he joined the scouts. Then if they were ambushed, even if everyone died, he would be able to give the news to Old Sword. This way he would not have caused a change in anyone\'s lives.

This certainly was not without faults either, Eldrian realized. Those part of the scouts would all die as would Vivian. Yet there was no saying that this did not happen while he was gone, so his leaving and not thinking of this could have caused far more deaths than just two.

This caused him to feel even worse, the only thing really laying on the pros was that Vivian was saved. Yet this could not balance the scale in Eldrian\'s heart. He could not even think of his other benefits; Of the sword he had gained, of the knowledge, of Cephaphyr. Convinced that anything other than life would not be able to balance death.

Eldrian also realized that now they had to head back to the army, something which certainly was not safe to do. Something could go wrong at any moment, like the first time they had been encircled by goblins. Yet now their party would be far weaker. Thus even more might die. This added even more to his burden.

Agamemas and Zamia stopped their conversation which Eldrian had long since stopped following.

Turning towards him they saw him on his knees crying. At a glance, they both knew what pain Eldrian was in, something everyone had to go through at some time. Especially in this world during the times they were in.

\'What\'s wrong?\' Zamia asked with a mother\'s compassion, something Agamemas would never be able to copy. He was someone who had gone through too much to still have a soft side, yet somehow his wife still had it. Even though she had gone through it all with him.

It was one of the things he most loved about her. How she could help him never become an ice-cold leader, she made sure that he cared for his family. Even if this was all she managed, Agamemas was extremely grateful for it.

Agamemas thought of this as he heard and felt his wife\'s compassion. Thinking back to how much effort she had needed to put in to change his mind about Eldrian. To make him realize that the elf might be worth nurturing.

\'I, I just realized what...\' Eldrian stopped, not knowing what to say. Saying that he realized what death meant sounded dumb, like he was an ignorant child. Yet it was indeed what he had realized.

\'What have you realized?\' Agamemas replied without any compassion, \'You saved a friend and caused a devil to reveal himself.\'

\'But... The cost.\' Eldrian replied weakly, his mental voice barely a whisper. He would not be able to talk normally, his heart and troat both felt like they were being crushed.

Before Agamemas could say anything more, his wife talked to him. Only him.

\'He is not you! Think back to your first time on the field. When you first killed, when you first saw your friends and family die.\'

\'Think of the pain, think of what had caused you to become as you are.\'

Agamemas flinched at his wife\'s direct words. He knew who he was. He knew that he was not bad, but he also knew he was not good. He was cold to all those outside of his family, only slightly more open to other Alicorn families. Yet he would never step out for others, only for his own family.

He did not blame himself for being cold, he knew that it was necessary for a leader. But he also wished that having no compassion, not caring, that those were things so ingrained in himself.

\'Take your time, we will continue our talk later.\' Zamia said, leaving Eldrian to himself.

Was it necessary... Did they need to die... Would they have died if not for me?

These thoughts swirled in Eldrian\'s mind as he felt the coldness of this world embracing him.