YM778.TV Chapter 2: Even On the 3000th Confession
Chapter 2: Even On the 3000th Confession
Part 1
“Congratulations on getting accepted!”
I heard someone shout from a short distance away. Glancing in that direction, I saw several burly members of the rugby team gather around one of the accepted students and hoist him up into the air. Circling the rugby players was a girl in a sports uniform (the manager, perhaps?) who raised her hands above her head and applauded the new student.
I was at the acceptance announcement for Karima High School. It was true that the results could be found out online, and it was faster and took less effort to look it up, but despite that, quite a few students had gathered here to see the names listed on the bulletin board, wanting to see the results officially on paper.
Above me were plum blossoms, just beginning to bloom, and beyond that was the cold early March air, which still had a bit of a sting, and the painted sky.
I looked up at the bulletin board, recognizing my testing number immediately.
I then turned to a student who was handing out pamphlets nearby, and asked,
“Excuse me. Could I have…one of those?”
“Are you an admitted student?”
“Yeah.”
“Congratulations! Everyone, here’s another admitted student!”
“Wait, um…”
“Congratulations again!”
Yes―in the end, Natsuki, Shuu, and I chose Karima High School.
The girl―a beautiful girl, if you were to ask me―bent over slightly and looked up at me.
Are you going, or not?
Those were my options.
The golden axe, or the silver axe?
Since I was but an ordinary middle school student, when I had choices thrust upon me, I had no choice but to choose one or the other. One voice in my head insisted that I shouldn’t give that high schooler the satisfaction of having me go, but another advised that since I was going to come here anyway, it would in my best interests to branch out a little and make connections.
Was I going, or not?
The golden axe, or the silver axe?
I should branch out.
My reply came in barely a whisper.
“…I’ll go.”
“Alrighty! Reeled one in!”
A boy from the high school beckoned to me and told me that there were already about 10 people gathered at a family restaurant nearby.
After being told to sit and obeying, I found a glass of orange juice set down in front of me.
“Unlimited drinks. My treat.”
The boy sat himself down next to me in an over-familiar manner, and peppered me with inquiries of “What’s your name? What school are you from?”, obviously enjoying himself all the while. I nodded and smiled, while slowly sipping away at my juice.
Metaphorically speaking, what color axe do I have now, I wondered.
Raising my eyes, I looked around at the other students who were clearly also middle schoolers. Like me, they were admitted students on the track to become first-years come April. There were those who hesitated, quivering, and those who were putting on an act of gallantry; it was clear that none of us were yet quite at home in this kind of situation.
“No, not really.”
“Hm? Did you say something?”
“No, it was nothing.”
That was when I noticed that this student’s build wasn’t as burly as the others that I had seen so far.
“What club are you in?”
“Am I in? This semester, ooh, the restaurant might have a special on tea.”
“Rugby?”
“Hah, what the hell’s rugby. I’m not with those guys from the admission announcements. I’m in season sports club, which means tennis in the summer and skiing in winter.”
I’d been thinking of just staying in the same club that I’d attended in middle school, but there was more variety to clubs than I’d imagined. I had never heard of a club where you could do tennis and skiing.
High school certainly was shaping up to be a whole new experience.
And I was going to become like these students.
And so, the next hour passed by with idle chatter.
“Aw, senpai, that’s no fair.”
The beautiful-girl-if-you-were-to-ask-me who had talked to me earlier barged into the family restaurant none too subtly. Her unruly hair reflected her extroversion, but even more than that, her large eyes and long eyelashes commanded attention. She had looks that drew people’s attention, and she knew it. If she were to raise her voice, everyone’s gaze would be drawn to her. Therefore, the tone of her voice and every little gesture had to be precisely calculated.
She plunked herself down next to me and ordered a glass of non-alchoholic wine (there was such a thing?) for herself.
“Yo, what middle school?”
“I went to Sasayama Middle.”
“I’m from Central Nakasato Middle.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Hey, quit it with the formal talk.”
“But you’re my senpai.”
She looked taken aback for a moment, then opened her mouth and let out a great big laugh.
“Nah, I’m just another admitted student. I was accepted early via recommendation, and I ended up just loitering around the school doing nothing, so this club member here came and talked to me.”
Oh, so she was the same age as me. My anxiety melted away. I shifted my sitting position, and instead of sitting with my shoulders drawn in, I puffed out my chest a little. I lifted my gaze a little higher. The girl who I’d though was my upperclassman was simply a classmate.
“My names Risa. And you are?”
“Hashidate Yuuto.”
“Yuuto, huh. You got a girlfriend?”
She dropped the honorifics right off the bat, and used my first name, to boot.
This sure is different from middle school, I thought. In my three years of high school, I had only met one girl who had come to call me by my first name. I had always thought that was the norm, but upon my entering high school, here came this girl who spoke to me like we’d been friends for years. I was surprised, to say the least.
I wasn’t exactly thrilled with that. After all, this Risa girl didn’t seem like she would be of any help in getting me to my ideal of perfection.
She was accepted on recommendation, so she loitered around the school? And that guy’s club roped her in? Not to mention, that she was beautiful?
No doubt about it, she was going out with some senpai already.
For the second time, I looked around the family restaurant. Is it him? Maybe him?
If I were to approve of such a fulfilling lifestyle, it would be a grievous insult to my perfect life thus far.
…Well, might as well go along with her for a bit, just to see where the conversation takes us.
“Okay, which one do you think is my girlfriend?”
“You don’t have one. You seem like the grim-future type.”
“It’s not grim, it’s bright as anything. I’m popular, you know.”
“Liar~ That’s a total lie. You don’t have to put on a mask, you know. Tell big sister the truth.”
“That doesn’t even makes sense.”
“Hey, I was born in April. I’m older than most everyone in my grade.”
“April what?”
“Second. In elementary school, I was always first on the roster.”
“April 2nd, wow, that’s about as early in the school year as it gets. I’ve never met someone like that.”
“And it’s the truth, I swear. Anyway, do you have a girlfriend? C’mon, spill.”
“Shut up.”
For some reason, this back-and-forth was kinda fun.
I myself was astonished at the rate at which I said unexpected things.
This is pretty nice, I thought, being free to carry out a conversation without getting all caught up in worrying about stuff like slight changes in facial expression or nuances. Stress-free conversations were nice.
“…I have to bounce back in college entrance exams.”
Risa didn’t miss what I said with a sigh.
“Hmm? Don’t tell me, you’re one of those who got in despite dropping in rank?”
“Wait, not really―”
My cellphone sounded from the depths of my pocket. A text. When I saw the contents, I responded with a sigh of relief.
“Your girlfriend?”
“Nope.”
Not yet, anyway.
“Mom?”
“Not her either…I’ve gotta get home.”
I stood up. Risa looked up at me with surprise written all over her face.
“What happened? You have something you gotta do?”
“…By talking with you, I have deviated from the path to perfection. Seeya.”
I grabbed my bag and left the restaurant. It never struck me to turn and see the expression Risa had as she watched me leave.
There was something that required me to take my leave.
The text had simply read, “I got in too.”
And that was why I had to go to the residence of the sender of that text.
―That is, Natsuki.
There was something that I wanted to tell her, should we both be admitted into the school.
At this point I sent a text to my brother. Earlier, I’d discussed with him what I was about to do.
“You’ll be fine. Move forward and don’t lose your way.”
I had my brother’s seal of approval.
I have all of his weight behind me, I thought.
My home was in a town called Hachiougi that was a one hour train ride from the inner city. It was neither in the coastal nor mountainous area; just some little rural town nestled in the suburbs. The center of Hachiougi life was Hachiougi Station.
The appointed meeting place with Natsuki was the Hachiougi Station concourse. On either side of the tracks was an overpass going north-south that had been turned into a concourse, and in the middle was a fountain and bench that was often used as a meeting place.
It was about a ten-minute walk from my place to the station.
It was the path that I would be using for my commute to my high school.
After crossing the intersection I went up the stairs that led to the station interior. Since the station had just been remodeled, all of the equipment were of the newest models. Finally, there was some beautiful stained glass embedded at the foot of the stairs.
Before the station’s transformation, in order to get from the north side to the south side, one needed to travel down a narrow underground passageway; now, since there was an area for the ticket turnstiles on the second floor, one could simply cross the concourse from one side to the other.
The station was busy. For a weekday afternoon, it was quite the crowd.
My anxiety swelled in the bustling throng of people. Deep breaths. You have to calm down. Aim for perfection.
I slipped a coin into the drink vending machine in the middle of the concourse. Rather, I tried, and fumbled the coin. With a clink, the coin rolled underneath the machine.
Deep breaths. This was not the time to get excited over nothing. I mean, it’s just a hundred yen.
I should at least actually insert a coin, and get my black coffee.
I let out a sigh and raised the can to my lips.
I made my way slowly to the fountain. Natsuki wasn’t here yet.
A sudden cold wind swept the concourse. It was still early March, after all.
As the appointed time of 3 o’clock approached, I could see Natsuki making her way towards me. The way her hands were stuffed in the pockets of her coat, and how she fixed her gaze on the ground revealed that she was not enjoying the cold.
“Natsuki!”
She raised her head. Having spent the entirety of our middle school years together, somewhere along the line we had started calling each other by our given names.
“Oh, it’s Yuuto! Congrats on getting into high school!”
“Ah, yeah. You too, Natsuki.”
“Thanks! …We’ll be together again in high school, then.”
The fact that Natuski, too, had noticed that we had been friends ever since elementary school raised my bliss to uncontainable heights.
“Too bad. Must be fate.”
“I’m glad that Shuu got in too.”
“Shuu’s got brains, ‘course he got in.”
“Yuuto, you settled on Karima High School in the end, huh?”
“Nothing I could do about it, the teacher told me that I’d never get into Kuwahara East.”
There wasn’t any chance I could admit that I’d only applied there so we could all get in together.
“Oh. Well, it all turned out okay, right? Yuuto, you’re the only who’s gone to the same school with me all the way from elementary school.”
Ah, so Natsuki thinks of me in a special way, probably. This is what they’d call a “match made in heaven”, I’d say.
Now, for someone who was aiming for perfection, the goal was not going to high school with her per se, but in this case, it was an important prerequisite. After all, I should be able to redo in case I had a hard time getting into college, and more importantly, I should work on having a perfect high school life with Natsuki and the others. This much I understood.
Once Natsuki had seated herself on the bench, I moved to do the same. We sat, staring in the general direction of the ticket turnstiles.
The people who passed through the turnstiles were swallowed up by the stairway heading to the platforms. In the opposite direction came those who hurried off the train and up the steps―salarymen, housewives carrying shopping bags, elementary- and middle-schoolers on the way home from school, young office ladies clutching their large suitcases. A young couple, on their way to have some fun. There really was an extraordinary variety of people who used the station.
Time passed as we gazed at the turnstiles.
What was Natsuki thinking? Was it maybe the same thing I was thinking?
My butt kind of started itching, and my heart began beating faster.
If Natsuki stood and left, all of my chances would be lost. My perfect plan would crumble.
I breathed slowly three times, and opened my mouth.
“Um…”
“Hm?”
“Um, well, Natsuki…I like you.”
I said it. Somehow.
No matter how much one practices, confessions are nerve-wracking. Ask anyone from any number of thousand years ago or whatever, they’ll say the same thing.
Natsuki swung her legs a little and gathered her courage, then stood up from the bench. She pivoted, her gaze turning from the turnstiles to meet mine.
“Yuuto, I consider you a very good friend of mine. We’ve been together since elementary school, all the way up to taking high schoool entrace tests together. I don’t want what I say to be misconstrued in any way, or make you think anything about me that’s not true, so I won’t mince my words. I’m sorry. ―I could never go out with you, Yuuto.”
Could never… Could never go out with me…
Those were words I had never imagined I would hear.
Just seconds ago I had been racking up points in the game of life. I thought I was well on my way to perfection.
“Sorry, there’s somewhere I have to go.”
Natsuki rose from the bench and picked up her bag, then walked towards the south exit.
I couldn’t bring myself to run after her. After all, it was useless, I thought.
The sound of her footsteps was swept into the wind. The breeze that had moments ago carried hints of spring and good thoughts now pierced through my clothing with a chill.
After that first confession, there was nothing I could do.
15 minutes after the heartbreaking confession. Location, the family restaurant in front of Hachiougi Station.
I had a four-person booth to myself. On the table were drinks, a hamburger entree, a Japanese-style mushroom doria, a margherita pizza, and a Suzuki grilled fish set. Simply put, I was binge eating. Well, even complexly put, I guess there was no other way to describe my current state other than “binge eating”. Even a stranger, simply by looking at that table, could tell that I was binge eating―that was simply how truly and irrevocably obvious my binge eating was.
Simple, I thought.
I had confessed to the childhood friend whom I had liked for so long, and had gotten rejected. This was the simple act of binge eating to distract me from the pain.
…As if I could ever just be distracted from that pain.
I had thought that I was racking up points in this run. I’d had little slip-ups, sure, but no big failures. So naturally, I had thought that my confession would go smoothly as well.
I stabbed my fork into the yolk of the sunny-side-up eggs on top of my hamburger, dragging the tips of the prongs around in the yolk that bled out and changed color as it mixed into the meat sauce. Then I pushed the meat around in that and ate it.
So delicious. And bitter. And painful.
I was trying to calm myself down, but my stomach was having a riot. Just maybe, now that my stomach was full, if I confessed again she would change her mind. Since it’s not like her lack of affection for me was written all over her face.
Nah, who am I kidding, she said “I could never go out with you,” didn’t she?
That was fact of the matter.
Hm…wait.
The hand holding my fork stopped in mid-bite. The thought popped into my mind―maybe, just maybe…
Natsuki saw me as someone special. That much was clear. She’d said herself that I was the only one who had been by her side all the way from elementary school. And we had even studied for school entrace exams together.
Naturally, she would have had some fantasies. Like, what if I were to become her boyfriend.
In that way, she had come to the conclusion that she “could never.” Well, maybe my problem was something that happened before she formed that conclusion.
Anyway, it was possible.
So wouldn’t that meant that I had a one in a hundred, one in a thousand, one in three thousand chance of success?
And given that there is some chance, wouldn’t that mean that if I were to try again and again and again, eventually I would get an OK?
A reset was something that selected one other possibility out of all of the possibilities available. I wouldn’t be able to pull this off on my own, but since there was that possibility, I’d expect that someway down the line, my wish would come true.
I pulled the reset button from my bag, and pressed it without hesitation.
―Reset. The world wavered.
After confirming my acceptance into high school, I made a beeline for the station concourse.
I sat on the bench, waiting for Natsuki. What should I do? How should I confess so as not to be rejected?
I ran through my options in my head, and with my words still flying around in my mind, I spotted Natsuki approaching and ran towards her.
“Natsuki!”
“Wh-what?”
Natsuki’s reaction to my rapid and unexpected approach was to take a few steps back.
“I like you, Natsuki!”
“Eh? Eh? Eh…um…sorry. I could never go out with you, Yuuto.”
―Reset. The world wavered.
“Natsuki, I want you to calm down and listen to me.”
“Okay.”
“I like you a lot.”
“…Sorry. I don’t think I could ever go out with you.”
―Reset.
I dived into the fountain. With water dripping form my hair and everyone’s gaze on me, I turned to Natsuki and shouted,
“I really like you!!”
“Sorry, I can’t go out with you.”
―Reset.
I bought a bunch of carnations at the flower stand in the concourse.
“Natsuki, you are more beautiful than these flowers. I want to go out with you.”
“Sorry, I could never go out with you.”
―Reset.
I made my move directly from the front. Grabbing both of Natsuki’s hands in my own, I said in a low voice,
“I love you. Go out with me.”
“No, I can’t do that.”
Reset.
“Natsuki!”
“Sorry!”
―Reset.
―Reset.
―Reset.
―Reset. Reset.
―Reset. Reset. Reset.
―Reset. Reset. Reset.
……………….Reset………………………Reset……………….
Even on the 3000th confession, the answer was still “I could never go out with you.”
There was just the immutable fact that there was a vast chasm between us that I could never cross, no matter how gallantly I tried.
In other words,
“I’m not her type.”
Not her type…not her type, huh…
That’s how it was.
Once again, I sat in the family restaurant, binge eating.
Three thousand times, thirty thousand times, no matter how many times I tried, nothing would change the fact that I was not her type.
I pierced the Suzuki grilled fish set violently with my fork. I knew it was rude, but I was just so tired of everything. I deftly separated a bite of the white flesh with the tips of my fork and was just about to shovel it into my mouth.
"Will you wish?"
Part 2
I hadn\'t heard that voice in a long time. As the face that it belonged to popped into view, the world changed once again into monochrome, and Maki-chan appeared on the seat across from me.
"Hmm, isn\'t this kind of too many wishes?"
Maki-chan propped her chin onto her hands, peering at me with an exasperated look in her eyes.
"Did you see all that?"
"The whole thing."
Dejected, I continued shoving Suzuki fish into my face. Since the taste was strong, I shoved some rice in along with it.
"Fhy hanchu jhus rheefbe awwon?"
"Huh?"
My words couldn\'t make it out of my mouth, what with how stuffed with food it was. I swallowed it down with the help of some water and spoke.
"I said, why can\'t you just leave me alone?"
"Now now, I came all the way here because I was worried about you. No need to be so cold about it."
Maki-chan pursed her lips in displeasure, then reached over and plucked a french fry from my plate, eating it with only her front teeth.
"Hey, don\'t take my food without asking."
"Calm down, it\'s just a fry or two."
"I thought I could get a perfect life with just a reset or two, y\'know. And no matter how many times I did it, certain things just remained impossible. With this I\'ll never have my perfect life. You gotta lend me a hand here."
"Just because your life is reset doesn\'t necessarily mean that others\' hearts are reset."
"Yeah, I know. Well, I realized that... But isn\'t it possible that within the infinite possibilities, there\'s at least one chance of success? Can\'t you give me a hint to, you know, find the correct choice to make?"
Uh-uh, murmured Maki-chan, as she folded her arms. Of course, she still took a fry. Defeated, I pushed the fries plate towards her.
"The possibilities are infinite, yes, but the chances you get are limited."
Maki-chan looked as if she were struggling over choosing between talking to me and eating fries. She munched on them, deep in thought, occasionally nodding her head to show how delicious they were. It pissed me off.
"Yuuto, I think you ought to think a little more before making your decisions."
"The hell, are you saying that I don\'t think before making them?"
"Well, kinda. Anyway, can\'t be helped. You made a wish as strong as that time you shit yourself and wanted to start all over, so..."
"Stop talking about that! Not to mention, I\'m eating here!"
It was kind of annoying that Maki-chan had to be the one person in the universe who knew about my shitting my pants.
"Yuuto, I told you this once before, but you know, resetting your life is essentially nothing more than switching out your memories. Don\'t forget that."
"And when I asked about what happened to my memories, you told me that nothing about them would change, that I wouldn\'t forget."
"It\'s not like I know exactly what\'s going to happen to you. If you just use that thing willy-nilly, it might run out just when you need it, you know?"
"Hey, I\'m looking towards the future here. The past exists in order to make the future perfect. So if we must sacrifice the past for the sake of the future, then so be it. I\'ve been perfect up until now, and must maintain this tidiness."
Without warning, Maki-chan clasped her hands together and raised them above her head, then brought them down upon the table\'s surface. The table split cleanly in two, and from the resulting crack erupted countless cards. Was this another magic show of my memories? She moved her hands around in the air, deftly puppeteering the cards, fanning them out in midair. She singled out one of the cards, moving it into the path of a stream of light coming from the window.
"Do you remember this?"
It depicted me from my elementary school days.
There I was, on the verge of tears, because I couldn\'t finish the carrots in my school lunch. I guess I had to finish my lunch before going to play. Then, elementary school Natsuki came by and ate my carrots for me, and we played together in the school yard for the rest of lunch break with some other classmates. We looked so happy.
"You remember?"
"Whether I remember or not, this is weird. This never could have happened. I was never bad at eating carrots. I ate them like any normal kid. I\'d never leave them in my school lunch. I mean, sure, back then it took me a long time to eat lunch. But I ate everything like I was supposed to and then went and played with everyone."
Maki-chan gave a defeated sigh, and gathered up all of the cards, assembling them neatly into a deck and setting it on the table.
"These are the memories you have lost."
She turned the cards around, making the thickness of the stack apparent. "It\'s already this many, you know? You\'ve already lost this many memories."
Forgotten? Impossible.
She held the stack between her thumb and forefinger. It was easily as thick as five regular 52-card decks combined.
"What do you mean, forgot? I haven\'t changed at all, right?"
I tried to remember if I had forgotten anything. If I really had been bad at eating carrots when I was little, and had been helped by Natsuki, if all that had really and truly happened, I ought to at least have a sliver of memory of that.
But no matter how hard I wracked my brains, not even the smallest fragment of recollection came to mind.
I snatched the cards from Maki-chan\'s hand and held them up, one by one, to the light. Yes, the person in the cards was certainly myself, but it was as if I were looking at a totally different person; a Yuuto I never knew doing things I never did. There wasn\'t a single card that rang a bell.
Maybe, while I had been aiming straight for perfection, and going on about how the future was important, I had done some things with consequences that could not be undone―
"You\'re not exactly wrong about that. However, the choices you make are just as important as the memories you\'ve lost. When the time comes for you to make a truly important decision, take care not to take a path you\'ll regret."
Maki-chan lectured me while eating another fry. At some point, she had added parsley to the fries, making them a little more charming. She put her hands together and prayed,
"Thank you for the food..."
Was it appropriate for her to be so reverent in a place like this?
"What you wished for was to "do it over," and I merely granted that wish. The button is the tool you use to that end, but the one that decides whether your resets allow you to move on or stay stuck in a rut forever is you, Yuuto."
Maki-chan took her cards back from me and shuffled them in a magnificent show of dexterity, then clapped her hands together once. The stack of cards vanished into thin air.
"Yuuto, do you really wish for it?"
"Yes, I do."
"Really? Then, will you move on, or stay stuck?"
Is the axe you dropped a golden axe, or a silver one? Or was it...?
I had to make a choice. To move on or to stay. I had to decide what I would wish, what I would give up on, what I wanted to receive, what I would cast aside.
"Maki-chan, you..."
"Hey, look outside. A brand new choice has opened up for you."
Hearing this, I turned my head to the monochrome world outside.Just as I let my gaze take in the world, it returned back to its old colorful self. I turned back around quickly, but Maki-chan had already vanished.
What did she mean by “choice”? While I mulled it over, I took another peek at the outside world. There was nothing strange about it…no, wait, this was weird. The station shutters were closed.
The newly-renovated Hachiougi Station’s concourse area was also meant to serve as an evacuation site in case of emergency. People would evacuate to the site, and the shutters on the north and south gates would close.
I saw people huddled behind the shutters. A fire, perhaps? No, there was no smoke anywhere.
Seconds later, a fire truck and police car drove up and parked in front of the station, sirens shrieking. However, the shutters showed no sign of opening, and the firemen showed no intention of entering the station.
I stopped an employee of the restaurant as he walked by my table and asked him what was going on, but he, too, was completely out of the loop.
No doubt, something had happened, but what? I couldn’t figure it out.
My phone buzzed, notifiying me of a new text. It was the girl who had just left me…well, we weren’t even dating, so you could hardly call that “leaving”…okay, that’s not the type of “left” I meant in the first place―it was Natsuki.
Subject: looks like we’re trapped in here
The shutters suddenly closed, and everyone’s stuck in the concourse. Are you outside?
I thought it’d be faster to talk to her directly, so I dialed her number, but the call wouldn’t connect. I had no choice but to reply by text.
“I’m outside. It’s a real commotion out here. The police are here but they dont seem to be able to get inside.”
Natsuki may have just rejected me, but she was still important to me. I might be able to help somehow, I thought, and headed towards the station.
I paid my bill, and the second I was out the door, I was engulfed by the mob of people. I slowly weaved my way through the crowd towards the station, only to be stopped by the police.
“My friend’s in there.”
“The police and firemen are currently doing their best to control the situation. Please step back.”
Meekly stepping back when told to by the police made me frustrated, but I pulled out from the crowd.
There had to be some other way to get to Natsuki.
There was a high wall between me and the concourse, and I didn’t think I’d be able to make it over. In order to make it inside the station, I’d have to walk along the old train tracks that led inside.
That, of course, was absurd.
An announcement blared over the crowd, “Due to a problem that has occurred at Hachiougi Station, we are postponing all traffic activity.”
“This is my only chance!”
Some biting feeling in the back of my mind spurred me to gather my energy and shout that out. Somehow, I had to get inside that concourse. Aware of the impossibility of the task before me, I walked towards the railroad crossing.
Natsuki was special to me.
It was back in fourth grade. When I wasn’t yet bullied by my classmates, when the divide between the girls and boys wasn’t quite so strong. I was playing with Natsuki and bunch of our friends after school.
That was the day that we met “that boy”.
All of us had been engrossed in playing hide-and-seek until the bell** signaled for us to go home. The other kids left, one by one, until it was just Natsuki and me.
“Let’s go home with the crows.”
Natsuki hummed that part of the song.
Down on the sports field was the baseball team, still practicing. They were under adult supervision, so we couldn’t just go down there and talk to them. As for the poeple left in the schoolyard, other than Natsuki and me, there were only a little boy playing by himself and and old man who was for some reason sitting on the swings.
The atmosphere was getting kind of awkward with only us around, so I nudged Natsuki to get going home. That was when the old man on the swings beckoned towards me. He seemed suspicious yet kind of caring, and was dressed like a father on his day off―maybe like a teacher, you could say―and so Natsuki and I were drawn towards him.
“Could you play with that child, please,” he said, and pointed to the little boy. He then drew two bars of chocolate from his briefcase.
“I’m his dad, but I don’t know how to play with him.”
We accepted the chocolate without a single shred of suspicion, and approached the boy.
“What grade are you in?”
“Second. What do you want?”
he answered, as he picked up the stones in the schoolyard, examined them, and piled them up. We learned that his name was Takeru.
Natsuki squatted down next to him.
“Takeru-kun, what are you doing?”
“Researching.”
“Oh, I see.”
We had been told to play with him, but all that happened was that Takeru continued playing by himself, Natsuki talked to him, and I loitered around aimlessly. I didn’t notice when, but at some point the old man got up and left.
Eventually, a teacher came around and told us to go home. We responded with an “Okaay~” in a goody-two-shoes kind of tone. It was getting dark, and I was already itching to go home for real.
“But what do we do with Takeru-kun? Where did his dad go?”
“He went home. Anyway, if we don’t go home both of our parents will get mad.”
“We can’t just leave him here.”
As we discussed his fate, Takeru completely ignored us.
“Did you play with Takeru?”
Some old man I had never seen came up to us. He was of roughly the same statue as the other one, but even in the fading light I could tell that this was not Takeru’s father.
“Who are you?”
“I came to get Takeru. Let’s go.”
“No!”
Takeru retorted while piling up stones. “Do you know him?” we asked. “My uncle,” he answered.
“Let’s go home, Takeru.”
“Don’t wanna.”
He’s trying to kidnap him, I thought immediately.
“Takeru, run!”
I took hold of Takeru’s arm and fled.
I yelled to Natsuki, “Look for his dad!”
Of course, the old man chased after Takeru and me. Since he was an adult, he was much faster, but we knew the schoolyard like the backs of our hands. Using all of the back alleys and hidden paths, we evaded him.
But we had our limits. Near the west entrance, the old man seized my arm.
“Takeru, come here.”
“Don’t do it! Run away!”
The old man shoved me aside, and grabbed onto Takeru. He was getting away with him!
It was then that Natsuki came flying in with a “Hiya!!” and tackled the old man. Behind her was Takeru’s father.
As I lay there on the ground, Natsuki offered her hand, asking if I was alright.
Wow, I thought. Natsuki was like a messiah to me. She may have panicked in a tough situation, but she had the courage to deliver a full-body attack to a grown man.
Natsuki was amazing!
She would surely become a perfect person one day.
Back then, I had already started yearning for my brother’s qualities of “perfection” and “tidiness”. I thought, I should strive to be like her, too.
She was the same kind of person as me.
She was facing the same kind of future as I was.
From that day on, Sugita Natsuki was, to me, a very special person indeed.
I was so unbearably worried about Natsuki, I ran at full speed to the railroad crossing, but when I got there, there was no one else. They had all probably gone to the station to spectate. Once I was at the crossing, following the tracks was an easy matter; getting onto the platform would be another story.
Because of all of the commotion, the trains were stopped.
I walked along the ditch that ran parallel to the tracks for a while, and spotted up some passengers on the platform up ahead. Someone called out to me,
“Did you get here from the tracks?”
Everyone turned towards me.
“From the railroad crossing, actually. I was trying to see if I could get into the concourse this way…”
Hands reached down from the platform and helped me up.
“There’s no way to get in from here.”
Wondering why, I went down the stairs to investigate, and understood immediately. The junction between the concourse and the stairs was blocked by the shutters. The button to open the shutters on my side didn’t work when I tried pressing it.
The concourse was well and truly sealed off.
I looked around for a way to open the shutter. It seemed that rather than trying to open the giant shutter on the North-South entrances, the 2-meter-wide shutter by the stairs would be easier.
However, the things on the platform, like chairs and trash cans, were all affixed sturdily to the ground, and there was nothing with which I could get up and open the shutter.
Boom.
A huge crash shook the building.
Reflexively, I ducked down and covered my head.
The shutter started rattling. I heard the sound of metal crashing against metal.
That was an explosion inside!
Boom. Boom.
As the explosions resounded, the fire alert system started going mad. The explosion must have caused a fire. The people on the platform jumped down onto the tracks and started heading towards the railroad crossing.
This was getting more dangerous by the second.
There wasn’t much time left.
I was worried about Natsuki.
I felt the shutter with my hand to make sure it wasn’t hot, then pressed my ear to it. I could hear faint screams behind the iron shutter. The sound of running. Were they trying to escape? My ears were met with the sound of another explosion.
“Natsuki!”
I took a few steps back. Lowering my head, I went into a run, and tackled the shutter with everything I had. It clanged noisily, but that was all. Smoke was trickling out from the bottom of the shutter. There was definitely something terrible going on in there.
Once again, I drew back, and threw myself against the shutter. Again, my fruitless efforts drew forth nothing but noise.
I bent down near where the smoke was coming out, and was choked back by the smoke, tears stinging at my eyes.
Natsuki…
Ah, yes. Reset, I just have to reset…
However, I’d learned from my experience thus far that just resetting recklessly without figuring out how to fix the train situation would just result in the same ending. There was no point in resetting now if I didn’t take the time to figure out when exactly I should return to and what to do there.
I was about to give up when I heard a click.
Eh? I thought, and looked up. The shutter was slowly sliding up. Smoke billowed out from from the opening. I crawled, coughing, up the stairs.
The entrance at the ticket gates was thick with smoke, but I could tell that it was clearing out steadily. The main shutter at the concourse was open as well.
The firefighting team poured in from the main shutter.
“Natsuki! Natsuki! Where are you?” I yelled.
The inside of the station was in a sorry state. There were signs of explosion scattered around the area, and the showcase window of the station stores were shattered in some places. I could see signs that someone had used a fire extinguisher. I was relieved to see that the fires had all been put out.
All of the people were heading towards the exit.
I maneuvered my way through the river of people, looking for Natsuki.
“Yuuto!”
I felt a hand on my arm and glanced over my shoulder. It was Natsuki. She was talking to me like she always had! Yes, even in this kind of situation I was still pretty worried that the failed confession had ruined our friendship.
“Natsuki, you’re not hurt, are you?”
Natsuki’s uniform was all white on the right side, but otherwise, she seemed unharmed.
“I’m fine! Oh, that’s from when I was trying to use the fire extinguisher. I wasn’t sure how to use it at first, so I ended up getting it all over myself. It’s got a pretty powerful blast.”
“Why did you end up with the fire extinguisher?”
“There was an explosion near me, and a fire broke out. I was surrounded by little kids, so…”
“That’s really risky.”
“Well…a superhero would rescue the kids.”
“Yes, that’s true. That really is something you would say.”
The superhero-loving Natsuki would definitely do whatever a hero would do in her place.
“Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”
She stuck her tongue out at me.
I wouldn’t really have minded, but I guess she didn’t want others to know she was such a superhero otaku.
There were some things that didn’t quite make sense, and as time went on, the more they bothred me. Had the shutter just happened to close, or was it all planned out by someone? And if it were just an accident, then how did it get closed shut in the first place? The news had mentioned that problem, too.
That night, I sent a message to Natsuki.
“Everyone’s been talking about the incident, huh.”
“Yeah. If I tell my friends that I was there, they’ll pester me to tell them the details.”
Hooray, Natsuki was speaking to me as she usually did.
I had realized after 3000 confessions that I was, romantically speaking, not her type after all. Regardless, I still wanted her to know that I liked her.
That’s why I chose not to reset to before the confession.
It’s fine to just get rejected and continue on with our high school lives, isn’t it?
Those were my thoughts.
“Well, I’m glad you weren’t hurt.”
“Thanks.”
That ‘thanks’ could mean a thousand different things.
I was fine with that, I told myself, as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
One more thing I want to say about this day.
I had told my brother everything about that day’s events. The fact that though my confession had been a fiailure, I was still friends with Natsuki. And everything that happened at the station.
“So you weren’t physically at the scene, right, Yuuto?”
“By the time I managed to get inside, it was all over.”
“I see… I’m glad that you two weren’t hurt.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Even though my brother was so far away, he was still watching over me as I aimed for perfection and tidiness.
I chased after my brother. Even though he was far away, though I couldn’t see him. He continued to be my perfect and tidy goal.
I should try to get into the college that he’s attending.
I decided then and there that I would go to Karima High.
◆
Today is our wonderful graduation ?
I made up a little jingle on the spot.
The three of us were finally leaving the nest, so to speak.
Shuu was unexpectedly popular among the younger students, so a bunch of girls came clamoring up to him asking for his button**, but he refused them all.
For memories’ sake, I had prepared my button and put it in my pocket, but no one asked me for it.
So was that how it was? ―I felt a twinge of regret. But not enough regret to reset.
“Yuuto, let’s take a photo!”
Natsuki called out to me. Just for today they let everyone have their cellphones out**, since people would want to commemorate with pictures.
Natsuki, Shuu, and I stood together and had our pictures taken together, with each of our cellphones. It would have been fine to take one photo and send it to the others, but that was too much of a hassle.
I wouldn’t mind living this moment over countless times.
The photo inside my phone had the most joyful expressions I had ever seen the three of us wear.
We were going to the same high school.
A wonderful high school life was surely awaiting us. I felt my expectations growing.
I had no doubts that I would have a brilliant time in high school.