YM778.TV Chapter 259
As soon as he came to his senses, he instinctively grabbed my shoulders, but that was all. I already knew that, no matter how strong his grip may be, he wouldn’t be able to crush my shoulders.
So, I closed my eyes and gave him another kiss. Seo Dawon rested his hand on top of mine, which was laying on his cheek. I wondered if he’d push me off, but he didn’t.
I could faintly smell the sanitized scent of the hospital room and the smell of blood, but Seo Dawon didn’t look as if he’d lose himself to bloodlust. His eyes were uncloudy and focused on me.
“…….” I briefly took my lips off his and stared at the Mage. He closed and opened his eyes before immediately turning an indecipherable gaze on me.
The mage was someone who could calm himself and instantly hide his emotions. However, right now, I could see the painstaking efforts the Mage took to keep calm–I could see through the facade.
“Are you going to continue to control me through ‘commands?\'” So, even though his tone was sharp, I didn’t feel too uncomfortable.
I answered frankly, “No. I already knew I didn’t need to ‘command’ you.”
With that said, I raised and flaunted the torn skin on the back of my hand. Seo Dawon’s eyes fixated on the wound and the flowing blood.
Since I was admitted to the hospital, I had, for the first time in a long while, been able to escape the watchful eyes of the other Servants. Even after watching a movie or playing with Lackey, I had a lot of free time, so I fell into contemplative moods every so often.
To be honest, I was almost always thinking about the Mage. I wanted to know his reactions to when I had first gotten injured; I was curious about his intentions–what he meant by the pile of pebbles on my bedside table.
However, what dominated my thoughts the most was something the Mage had said earlier.
‘The fact that he’s alive and breathing makes me inferior.’
That was the first time I had felt…that Seo Dawon was being truthful about his affections and feelings for me; however, as the days went by, my heart began to feel heavy. Of course, those words implied he liked me, but, the more I thought about it, I could sense his deep underlying shame and self-loathing.
Shame. Was he perhaps pinpointing the issue inherent in the differences between the dead and the living?
However, Seo Dawon had not given up on life just because he died; he was bent on completing the resurrection scenario on the day he completes his revenge. Furthermore, his revenge was progressing smoothly.
Still, the pessimism laden in his words kept bothering me; the excessive control he exerted over me kept tugging on my senses as well.
Then, when Seo Dawon even cast skills on me to control himself, I thought…
‘…Why doesn’t he believe in himself?’
Of course, the Mage had just experienced catastrophic failure; he had even lost his life. Life-changing failures would often make someone reflect on their decisions and second-guess themselves.
However, his behavior was strange even for that situation. It almost felt like his failure worsened his perfectionist nature; his actions almost felt like a compulsion.
Of course, I’ve never been betrayed by someone I knew intimately. So, whenever Seo Dawon obsessively pushed himself and said something self-disparaging, I couldn’t speak up. I doubted he’d listen to me–after all, it’s hard to console someone if one hasn’t experienced the victim’s hurts personally.
The woman who loved him betrayed him; a cherished party member stole all that he accomplished. I couldn’t even pretend to empathize…
I was afraid that my superficial consolation would wear him out instead. That’s why I simply followed Seo Dawon’s unreasonable leadership.
However, when the Mage called himself inferior to a nobody like Han Kiseok… It felt like I was smacked in the head.
That was completely ridiculous. If Seo Dawon were alive, Han Kiseok couldn’t even dare hand Seo Dawon a business card. The Mage’s status was *that* high.
Because of that… I realized that something was festering inside the Mage.
Seo Dawon was an excellent leader, and the team’s successes and failures rode on him. His sense of responsibility, which always led him true, strayed off the path this time. Perhaps he felt like the guild’s failure was a personal failure.
Perhaps he felt that he had been too arrogant, blindfolded by consecutive successes; that he had ignored or was indifferent to the signs; or that his skills were lacking… Did the seeds of doubt eventually lead to serious misgivings?
So, no matter how successful his revenge was and how miserably he killed those that betrayed him…Seo Dawon might be afraid that he would fail again. Therefore, he paid close attention to any small or trivial injury that might befall me–he probably considered those injuries ominous signs.
That must be why Seo Dawon felt vaguely anxious every time I got hurt. Even though he had metaphorically wrapped me tight in bubble wrap, I would often escape the reaches of his control. Every independent step I took was a disaster for him.
I didn’t connect the dots until today, but Seo Dawon’s unstable appearance added confidence to my theory: the Mage was going crazy from his inability to control me.
“Even if I bleed–even if I don’t block you with my commands–you won’t be able to harm a single hair on my head… Just why should I be wary of you?” I dropped my ‘command,’ my control over my servant.
I wasn’t trying to ostracize the Mage nor manipulate his feelings. I just wanted to show him something.
No, I needed to show him.
“A small amount like that–“
“No. No matter how much of my blood sprays out, you won’t kill me. Your cravings for blood are just a means for a Necromancer to control you. Currently, the gap between our levels is too wide, so you can take as much as you please… You’ve had similar thoughts, right?”
I needed to show him how to accept his role in this Necromancer and Servant relationship.
“That’s why you’ve exploded now. A servant should be obedient, but you’re attempting to dominate me. That’s where it went wrong,” I said.
“What?”
“You don’t have to take responsibility for everything.”
The Mage raised his head.
Facing his gaze head-on, I continued to speak, “When you were alive, you were the face of the [Red Lotus] guild. You were the brain, moving people around as you desired and making all the calculated decisions. That’s why you thought that you needed to continue that role after you were resurrected–that’s a misunderstanding.”
“You……”
“However, you don’t. You’re just the best servant I have. And, to speak objectively and cold-heartedly, when you’re ‘inoperable,’ I still have Kim Olim and Jung Garam. Woo Ragi and Choi Kyung-sik can move independently as well.”
With that said, I looked straight into his eyes. “In other words, as long as I exist–even if none of you can act–our mission hasn’t failed.”
“……”
“That is to say, Seo Dawon, you only have to do what you can. You can’t control me. Accept that.”
“……”
“That’s my ‘command.\'”
Rring–
As soon as I finished my ‘command,’ a system message notified me with an alert.
[Due to your startling and amazing accomplishment, your level has risen significantly.]
[How unbelievable–you’ve exerted your control and overcome the large gap between you and ‘Seo Dawon’, instilling obedience in the Servant.]
[Your domination over the Servant, ‘Seo Dawon,’ has risen significantly.]
[Your Servant’s, ‘Seo Dawon’s,’ attack power has increased.]
[The duration in which you can summon your Servant, ‘Seo Dawon,’ has increased.]
[Congratulations! As your bond has deepened, you can now access your Servant, ‘Seo Dawon’s,’ [current mood]. Once a day, don’t miss your chance to read your lovable servant’s inner feelings!]
The Mage slowly closed his eyes as I finished speaking. Then, after leaning on me, he collapsed. Startled, I dragged him into my embrace, but I was able to sweep away my worries. He had only briefly lost consciousness.
Seo Dawon’s face, which looked peaceful–as if he were in deep sleep–and the Mage’s even breathing made him look relaxed. Perhaps that’s just my biased perspective though.
I stared into Seo Dawon’s face for a long while and swept back the bangs on his forehead. A deep, complicated sigh tumbled out from my mouth.
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TL: Yes, DOMINATE him. I’m so proud T_T That’s a fair bit of emotional maturity from Lee-kyung. (And I’ve always thought Lee-kyung was emotionally mature and strong T_T )
Seo Dawon’s actions have never been construed as healthy–even at the beginning of the novel. I really appreciate that. I think this chapter pretty realistically shows how a relationship can get super toxic even when you have the best intentions at the start. (Also, it does explain how Seo Dawon has gotten more and more sinister/overprotective from when he was first summoned.)