gogo大胆啪啪艺术自慰

I was sure I was as stealthy the way I put a few dishes into my basket, yet, as soon as I stepped outside, I heard, “Ming Feizhen!”

How the hell did you people find me?!

The leader with about a dozen henchmen behind him simpered. “Huh, you’re a slippery one. Had I not caught you sneaking into the kitchen, I would’ve lost you.”

Where have I seen this pig-dog-looking barrel before? Ooh, he’s Li Muye’s lackey.

I pointed at him and called, “Xiang Babang!”

“It’s Xiang Baxian! You itching to get hit?!” Xiang Baxian rolled up his sleeves.

“Hold it… What proof do you have?”

Xiang Baxian’s rage was replaced with confusion. “What?”

I directed my rant to his minions. “Hey, you guys have any proof he’s Xiang Babang? Just because he looks like him? How careless.”

Xiang Baxian’s minions whispered to each other, looking as though I had a good point, impelling him to bray, “Shut up! His Highness wants to see you.”

“And I’m supposed to just take orders?”

Why would he want to see me? I may be a duke now, but it’s a joke of a duke rank. There’s no reason for him to pay me any respect. Uhm, when the motive isn’t clear to you, deploy speculation. What if there are hundreds of armed men waiting to ambush me?

“Not going.”

“You think you have a say? Men, capture him.”

Only students and staff were allowed on the academy grounds, so Xiang Baxian recruited his brothers who were planning to take the imperial martial arts exam. How good could they have been if they were serving him, though?

It was impossible for me to utilise qinggong in my condition, but they wouldn’t have learnt any advanced qingong. Therefore, it’d just be a running contest between us. When it came to running, I had a pair of legs and strategy I was proud of. My shifu developed a mental cultivation discipline to escape from any sort of debt in any sort of situation, which he later imparted to me. I was grateful for the knowledge… until his debt collectors started coming after me, too. Combining that mental cultivation with my battle-tested experience, the only person in the world who could catch me… his parents had yet to even marry.

After I made them run a few laps with me, I brazenly headed out via the academy’s front door. Even if they couldn’t find me, they wouldn’t think I’d leave the academy. That being said, I needed a wall to stay upright and time to catch my breath.

Everything is going wrong today. It’s better if I just call it a day and go home.

“Brother up ahead, are you Ming Feizhen?”

… Who the flip is it now?!

I turned around to see a group of men in military uniform lazing on a wall. “Can I help you, sirs?”

Their leader flashed his pearly whites. “Need you for boxing practice.”

I frowned. “I am a constable of Liu Shan Men. Although we are under different leaders, we all serve the imperial court. Is this a rebellion against the imperial court?”

“Well, no, I wouldn’t have the balls to do that. Do you remember who you’ve offended recently, though?”

I scratched my head. “G-give me a hint.”

“… You lit up my young master’s face into a bloody mantou, and this is your attitude?”

Bloody mantou? Why would a lover of peace and food, like myself, ever…

“Your young master’s surname ‘Mian’?”

“General Zhao Tiankui sent us here to ask you if you have any respect for the five militaries.”

Oh, Zhao Xin, right, right… But why are they here to see me now?

I held my hands in salute. “It is a pleasure to meet. Farewell.”

“He’s going to run! After him!”

Hell yeah, I’m going to run! What the hell is wrong with today?! Why is everyone coming after me today?!

The soldiers took three laps to shake off, and all the running gave me a stitch, bloody hell. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I discovered I was at… I didn’t even know where I was. All I could see was a couple of people; even the tea stall was nigh empty.

Ah, whatever, nothing more important than being safe.

“Would you happen to be Ming Feizhen?” The man at the tea stall by the corner of the street queried.

Ah, damn it.

I turned to the stall. This time, there were four people wearing bamboo hats, short garments and carrying iron blades on the belts.

Ah, great, the pugilistic-beginner-player set.

Judging from their stances and breathing, every single one of them were around Xiang Babang’s level. Thanks to their attire, they were the kind of people who’d have no problem blending into the crowd of pugilistic-world folks and disappearing out of sight. Why dress in a stereotypical manner? So that they could quickly blend into a crowd and flee once they eliminated their target.

“And you four are?” I asked.

“You crossed someone you shouldn’t have.”

How?! Where the hell are all of you coming from that even your lines are similar? Are you all from the same group?!

The fact that they were indifferent to my tone of disdain indicated that they were hired assassins. Their strategic positions to surround me showed professionalism.

I inhaled deeply. “I have one sentence for you: if you want to catch me, get in line.”

The groups previously chasing me had somehow come together and caught up to me.

“You think you tough? Come on, all at once!”

***

Two hours later, I crawled out from a bale of straw and suavely tripped onto my face. I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t move, but I could feel the fatigue deep inside. As soon as they had me encircled, they laid into me without hesitation. Unluckily for them, there was only so much space they could cover, and there were over a dozen of them going at me simultaneously, so it was unlikely anyone even landed ten shots on me. I waited for their adrenaline to peak, then dropped a blood bomb to escape.

Why is everyone coming after me when I’m defenceless and Second isn’t around? I’m just good at accosting people? I always was good at that, so why now of all times are they coming after me?!

Damn, it hurts… They really didn’t hold back.

The last four had weapons, yet they chose to bash me with kicks and punches, so I surmised their instructions were only to teach me a lesson.

Just who in the world did I offend?

“Ming Feizhen?”

Come. On. There are still more of them?!

“Wh-wh-who-who goes there?! Stay back!”

“Constable Ming, calm down. It’s me.”

He had a familiar, domineering visage, the beard that was masculine, yet refined, the kind gaze that made people want him as their father. Who else could it have belonged besides Li Fangzhang?

“Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Your Majesty!”

His Majesty sympathetically expressed, “It has been hard on you.”

I grabbed His Majesty’s hand tightly. “Your Majesty! Why are you h-, wait. Can you please answer three questions first?”

Glossary

Xiang Babang – Literally, Elephant Mussel Opener.