善良妈妈的朋友

Chapter 66

"Aw fuck!" I groaned as I looked down and confirmed that yes, my pajamas were Halloween themed ones (with happy little ghosts and pumpkins on them). "Another fucking holiday filler arc?" I rolled onto my side and pulled the blankets up around me. "I don\'t know why this keeps happening but if I were an anal retentive piece of donkey butter reading this as a free fanfic I\'d be pissed that the story didn\'t get moving! I\'d also be concerned about the sudden 4th wall breaking!" I closed my eyes, wondering if I could will myself asleep and just skip the damn thing... that tended to happen in some anime, where the main character got some time off... maybe let a side character have some fun?

"I told the witch doctor I was in love with you!"

I squeezed my eyes shut as my alarm went off.

"Fuck me in the ass!"

"Oh, really?"

I sloooooooowly turned to find Selene standing in the doorway, wearing a see through nightie, a naughty little smirk on her face as she slowly raised one leg up, rubbing her calf with her bare foot.

"...I know you are greek, I know in my previous life I was greek, I know there are a ton of ass fucking jokes out there about those two facts, and while I am more adventurous than a lot of men... no."

The goddess merely sauntered into the room. "Come now lover... I know you like what you see." She slowly trailed her finger up her side and then down again before sliding down on the bed, her other hand walking her fingers along my chest. I noticed that the nightie literally left NOTHING to the imagination. "You\'re a man... I\'m a goddess... don\'t you think-"

"We\'re in a filler arc," I grunted, trying to mentally make a certain part of my body STOP obeying her hints. "It won\'t count."

At once Selene\'s smile fell and she waved her hand, the nightie turning into an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "Ugh. Another one? My Mai self can deal with this." With that Selene stomped off, her hair already beginning to curl and her body losing a few inches as she let Mai take back control.

\'Holy fuck that worked!\' I thought to myself in shock. \'I managed to get the immortal goddess to not want to have sex with me! Woohoo!\'

I blinked.

\'...I live a weird fucking life.\'

~MC~MC~MC~

"I ordered breakfast," Mai said as she heard Edwin finally make his way out of his room. She, for her part, didn\'t bother to look away from the television, a folding TV Tray set up with the Styrofoam container that had her scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage links inside. Where before she\'d always tried to eat healthy in order to maintain her figure realizing she timeshared her body with a goddess that would never let her gain weight meant she could indulge. Of course, the moment that thought entered her head... "Hey, are you into big beautiful women?"

"Only occasionally but it has to be in Porn With Plot fanfics," Edwin replied as he grabbed his own container and made his way over to the couch. "Honestly I like my ladies tall and athletic."

"Good to know," Mai said with a smirk before stabbing at some sausage, relieved that she wouldn\'t have to worry about Selene porking her up just to entice Edwin; Mai took pride in her curves, sure, but also liked being fit. "So, mind telling me how I ended up here in my pajamas?"

"Selene," Edwin stated as he looked over his hash brown, smiling that it was just firm enough that he could eat it with his bare hands. "I learned not to curse using any reference to fucking my own ass."

"...smart," Mai said. "So how did you get her to back down?"

"Pointed out we\'re in a filler arc and she decided it wasn\'t worth the trouble."

Mai just chewed on her eggs before finally asking, "This is another thing connected to you being from another dimension, isn\'t it?"

"Yup."

"Do I want to know?"

"The short recap?" Edwin asked, getting up. "Coffee? Hot coco? Orange juice?"

"Orange juice," Mai said. "I know you don\'t like coffee kisses."

Edwin smiled. "I\'ll manage if you brush your teeth afterwards."

"Still orange juice. I don\'t trust you make it."

Edwin nodded and set about pouring her orange juice, getting into the freezer to get some orange juice ice cubes he always had on hand, before moving to make his coco. "Anyway, the short recap is that in my world all of this Domino stuff..." he waved his hand about, "is broken up into three kinds of events. First is the canon stuff. That is the major events that threaten the world and our lives. Duelist Kingdom, Battle City..."

"The other things you refuse to tell me," Mai said only to turn back to look at him. "I\'m kidding. I know that Selene will most likely punish you if you reveal too much." When Edwin and her had talked about everything he\'d confessed that his biggest fear was that Selene would find ways to punish him if he tried to let Mai know about events that might ruin all her plans. "Okay... what\'s next?"

"Us having normal days where nothing happens? That\'s \'offscreen\'."

"Because this is an anime," Mai said, still trying to wrap her head around the idea that Edwin had watched about a year of her life. Of course he\'d also stated that him doing that was why he\'d been so nervous about their relationship... which Mai had told him was fucking stupid. She\'d then called his dad and gotten so many baby stories from the man just to prove her point. "And anime doesn\'t have simple family moments."

"This anime, at least. And unless it is a filler arc episode," Edwin told her, the microwave dinging. He went to the cupboard and pulled out a box of cheap store brand hot coco mix and poured a pouch into his heated milk before finally returning to the couch with their drinks. "But for us the filler arcs seem to only happen with holidays and those are designed to have me face idiots in duels or battles, not have nice relaxing modern couple fun days so... yeah, its Halloween so we are fucked."

"...I followed about 10% of that," Mai admitted.

"What is the last thing you remember us doing?" Edwin asked.

"Heading towards the finals for Battle-" Mai eyes suddenly went wide and she began to look about rapidly. "Wait... how... we..."

"Welcome to my fucking world," Edwin said, taking a sip of his hot coco.

"But... but we... I don\'t-"

"Selene! Calm her down!"

Mai blinked and looked down to see that the foam containers had changed to fine dining ware and that she\'d just lost five minutes... and Edwin looked rather rumpled. His pajama shirt was off (and Mai took a moment to admire that) and there was lipstick not just on his neck but also marks that trailed down to his- "Did you just use my goddess side to stop me from having an anxiety attack?"

"To be fair I don\'t plan to do it again," Edwin said, swallowing. "I think she managed to lick my small intestine." He shuddered before looking at her. "You okay though?"

"...yeah," Mai said, finding she was a lot calmer now. "Still... it is freaky to know that suddenly everything can shift."

"That\'s why I don\'t let anyone else know about it," Edwin said. "Probably let Renard know, as I\'m sure he\'ll go with us... not sure about Yuri as she might not want to leave Tea..."

"Go with us?"

Edwin nodded. "If I ever figure out a way to get back to my home dimension."

"You... you plan to take me with you?"

"Only if you want," he said, suddenly nervous.

Mai, for her part, pushed her tray away and crawled on the couch so she could curl up on his lap. "I ever tell you how sweet you are?"

"I\'m sure you have," he said with a smile, leaning in and kissing her neck. "I ever tell you that for all the sexy expensive clothing... I love you dressed down and casual?"

"You just like me slumming it."

"No," Edwin told her, "I like that you are so comfortable around me that you are willing to dress like that."

"...I want to tell you how much I love you but I think it would come out far too sweet and sugary." She dragged her tray over to her but remained curled up next to him. "So, filler arc?"

"Yeah and its Halloween so that can mean craziness. Last time I became a power ranger."

"I remember that. I had to gargle for an hour to get the cigarette smoke out of my mouth."

"Let me advise on your costume this time. If we\'re lucky we can get you some cool power of your own." Edwin reached over and grabbed the remote, clicking it on before Mai could ask him to keep it off they could enjoy some quiet breakfast-and-cuddle time.

"Its time to recap last night\'s episode of Survivor: Amityville Edition!"

Edwin changed the channel.

"Blanche, I can\'t believe you are dating Count Dracula!"

"And why not, Dorothy? We have so much in common. After all, we both love to suck."

Changed again.

"Welcome back to the Playboy Channel. Up next, some hot Werewolf on Zombie action."

"...god damn filler arcs," Mai and Edwin said at the same time.

~MC~MC~MC~

The door chime at the Kame Game Card shop and Yugi winced as someone came in only for a high pitch scream to fill the air, making the customer jump. Yugi, for his part, merely flashed a weak smile before he got back to sweeping the floor.

Which was easier said than done considering the bulky brown inflatable t-rex costume Yugi was wearing.

"Ah, hello there!" Yugi\'s grandpa said, entering wearing a Batman costume. "What can I do for you? Here to take advantage of our Halloween sale? 25% off all Zombie and Fiend Type cards!"

The young man smiled. "Was actually looking to get some card sleeves." He began to browse the selection. "You guys really get into Halloween, huh?"

Solomon smiled. "Of course! Important to celebrate and have fun!" Yugi chuckled at that; his grandpa also dressed up in hopes of getting people to notice the store.

"Well, I love the T-Rex costume," the customer said. "And you make a great Goth Taylor Swift."

Solomon\'s face fell. "I\'m not Taylor Swift."

"Katy Perry if she only had black clothes?"

"I am not a female singer," Solomon said far more sternly.

"Oh! Of course! How silly of me!" the customer said with a laugh. "It\'s so obvious! You\'re Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan!"

Yugi hurriedly rushed over to his grandfather and pushed him towards the store room, desperate for him not to say a word. "Just remember the money, grandpa, just remember the money!" It took a few moments but Solomon finally calmed down, allowing Yugi to go ring up the guy\'s purchase. "That was close."

"What was close?" Tea asked as she walked in, making Yugi gulp as he saw her wearing a Lara Croft costume. "Yugi?"

"Oh... uh... someone didn\'t know what Grandpa was dressed as."

"Yeah, that\'s been going around," Tea said with a roll of her eyes. "I swear if one more person calls me \'sexy Indiana Jones\'..."

"How could anyone think that?" Yugi asked before he stammered out, "the Indiana Jones part! Not the sexy part! I mean... that is..."

Tea smiled and leaned down, planting a kiss on Yugi\'s cheek... or where she assumed it was, thanks to the costume covering him head to toe. "I know what you meant." Ever since their double date with Edwin and Mai the two best friends had been slowly easing into the transition from merely friends to a couple. Both didn\'t want to ruin what they had by rushing and thanks to Battle City really hadn\'t been able to go on a second date. But Tea still did hope that her and Yugi would get some more time to explore their budding relationship and was rather hopeful the upcoming evening would give her a chance to do just that. "So I guess that costume works with mine..."

Yugi blushed again, not that Tea could see it. "I\'m going to change into my costume soon. Grandpa didn\'t know who Nathan Drake was so he had me switch into this. He wanted to make sure everyone knew I was wearing a costume."

"I guess that makes sense," Tea said as the door chimed and both teens looked up to see Joey enter wearing an old fashion suit, a bowler hat on his head.

"I do say Holmes this is an interesting collection of suspects!" Joey said in an utterly horrible British accent.

"Yes, I suppose you are right, Watson!" Serenity said with a grin as she walked in, wearing a deerstalker cap and the traditional Sherlock outfit. She held up a magnifying glass, Tea giggling as Serenity looked her over. "But I do wonder who our culprit is!"

"Where did you get those outfits?" Tea asked with a laugh. "They look great, by the way!"

"Thanks," Serenity said. "We shopped at several second hand stores to put them together."

Joey nodded his head. "I wanted to go with something a bit more action-packed but when Serenity said she wanted to be Holmes... well, even I know that Holmes needs Watson!"

"Thank you Joey," Serenity said sweetly before looking at Yugi. "So, is that your costume, Yugi?"

"No, I\'m going as Nathan Drake from Uncharted. Edwin approved."

Serenity frowned at that. "Why did we need to get Edwin to approve our costumes again? Not that I don\'t mind, he was all for me being Holmes..."

Tea sighed. "Last year some guy turned us all into our costumes. Edwin luckily didn\'t buy his costume from the shop we did so he was able to remain in control of his mind and body."

"He did more than that!" Joey exclaimed. "He managed to find some awesome Power Rangers morpher so he could morph!"

Serenity\'s eyes went wide. "Oh! And he\'s worried it might happen again?"

"Doesn\'t hurt to be prepared," Yugi reasoned. "He asked us all to think of heroes who would give us abilities that could be useful, just in case we get trapped in the same situation we did last year. Honestly I don\'t mind as the choices were all really good and it wasn\'t like he didn\'t have a point."

Tea nodded, shuddering slightly as she remembered seeing footage of herself as the Baroness at the last Halloween party. While she hadn\'t harmed anyone she had threatened Edwin and if he hadn\'t had his Key she might have done far worse. If she was going to become her costume again she\'d much prefer being a cool artifact hunter.

"So, what are your plans for tonight?" Yugi\'s grandpa asked as he came back from the storage room.

"Well, we\'re a bit limited by Ed being a baby," Joey complained.

"He doesn\'t like scary stuff, Joey," Tea reminded him. "That isn\'t a bad thing."

"Come on!" Joey complained. "Its Halloween! Its all about scary and spooky stuff! Ed not wanting to do anything scary is like... Christmas without the presents!"

Serenity though merely smiled. "I\'m actually glad that Edwin wants to do something mild. I wasn\'t looking forward to getting scared tonight..."

Joey\'s mood instantly changed. "Of course not! I\'d wallop anyone that tried to scare ya, sis!"

Yugi shook his head which made his dinosaur costume bob about before looking over at his grandpa. "We\'re thinking we\'ll head to the Domino Museum. They set up a \'History of Horror\' event where there are exhibits about classic horror films."

"Classic... as in boring!" Joey whined.

"There will also be plenty of food and candy," Tea said, trying to rally the blond.

Joey though merely sulked. "Not enough..."

~MC~MC~MC~

"So..." I asked, looking Cassie up and down.

"Not. One. Word." The Industrial Illusions Lore Mistress grumped.

"Fine, fine," I said, holding out my hands in surrender... only to smirk. "Don\'t let Renard see you though. I think he\'s only into mammals but you never know..."

Cassie glowered at me before letting out an annoyed sigh, running her hands over the maid\'s outfit she was wearing. It was utterly out of Downton Abbey except she had cloth wings on her arms, a long dragon tail hanging off the back, and some horns attached to her hat.

"It couldn\'t even be Dragonmaid Sheou. Then at least I could say I was just a dragon like Aria."

"I\'m a night fury!" Aria called out, the newly prompted head of the R&D Testers wearing a black onsie-style costume with Toothless\' head done up as the hood. "Scalies for life!" She held up her fist for Cassie to bop but the other woman could barely muster the energy to do so. "That was weak."

"I\'m not a true scaly. I\'m just a waifu." Cassie let out a grumpy huff. "Stupid bet."

"A bet?" I asked, shifting my ranger helmet under my arm (after last Halloween I was forever staying morphed whenever I needed a costume) while reaching over to snag a pumpkin shaped sugar cookie from the table.

"Yes and I don\'t want to talk about it," Cassie growled.

"Whhhhhyyyyyyy?"

"Probably for their safety," Martin wagered, the Claims Adjustor sipping some punch. He was dressed as Anakin from Episode 3 (and I was REALLY hoping it was beginning of the movie Anakin so I could defeat him by throwing pocket sand at him) and was standing with Drake, the newly hired Supplies Manager who was just standing silently in his Slenderman costume, watching me with rather... unnerving... eyes. Of course that might have had something to do with me being rather... caviler with grabbing stuff from the supply room.

"Or she doesn\'t want us buying them drinks!" Aria teased.

I glanced at her glass. "...how much have you drank of that, Aria, and what did you add to it?"

"Not enough and I\'ll never tell!" she giggled, darting away.

Caesar frowned as he joined us, a piece of orange-dyed cake sitting on a black plate. "Should we be worried about her, Cass?"

She glanced at the Duel Links Program Developer and frowned. "And why would you ask me, birdie?"

"I\'m Arvata," he said. "And because you are the expert."

"How am I the expert?"

"You\'re the office drunk."

Cassie scowled at him. "I\'m the office alcohol master, thank you very much." She turned to one of the new hires, who was dressed as Joker from Persona 5. "Alec, I\'m not the office drunk, right?"

Alec\'s eyes went wide. "Uh... bering! Bering! That is my phone!"

"We see your lips moving," Cassie complained.

"Bering!" Alec said, scurrying off.

"I want to be annoyed but I have to admit the balls to commit to that is impressive," Cassie admitted. She looked over at Aria who was trying to get someone to begin singing the Addams Family Theme and shook her head, a smirk forming on her lips. "I think I\'ll go have some of what she\'s having."

For my part I merely sighed, pushing my glasses up so I could rub the bridge of my nose. "I know I\'m supposed to be the morale leader of the office but I\'m not sure this is the best way to get everyone to loosen up..."

"Oh come now, Eddy-Boy!" Pegasus said, walking up to us with a few pieces of cake, handing one to me and another to Caesar. He was dressed as Robin Hood (at least I hoped it was Robin Hood and not Peter Pan as that would raise more issues than I wanted to deal with) and apparently had decided that he was going to live up to the part by spreading some wealth. Wealth, in this case, being pastries. "We all must have our vices. I enjoy my wine and cheeses, Cassie her... spirits..." He crinkled his nose as he watched Aria hand over a bottle of something decidedly cheap to the other woman, "...and you enjoy your long speeches."

"Mmmmhmmm," I said, deciding to prove him wrong.

Pegasus though smirked at Caesar and I realized the fucking trick he\'d played on me. "So Eddy-Boy, what do you have planned after this little party of our? A haunting night of terror and fright? Scares and horrors?"

"Tricks and pranks?" Caesar asked.

I shook my head. "For all my talk of being the \'Guardian Devil\' I tend to like Baby\'s First Halloween. I\'m not into frights and scares and the like." I set my helmet down on a nearby table and began to nibble on my cake. "I have an overactive imagination and that can screw me up real bad. Its not the frights themselves that get me... its me either tensing myself too much beforehand or dealing with them rattling in my brain afterwards. I read a ghost story and it doesn\'t bug me... but three hours later I\'ve built it up in my head." I let out a lazy huff. "So yeah, no terrors for me."

"That is rather out of character for you, I must say," Pegasus stated. "Or I suppose how I\'ve seen you."

"Yeah, I get that," I stated. "But anyway I am meeting up with the gang after this... the Domino Museum has an entire exhibit on the history of classic horror. Werewolves, vampires, so on. What the legends are and their basis in reality. How they came to be. We\'re going to check that out and then go watch Young Frankenstein at my place."

Pegasus nodded. "That seems like a fun... oh my." His face twisted into delighted amusement. "Would you look at THAT!"

I turned and saw probably the most adorable thing in existence: Mokuba dressed up as Seto for Halloween.

He\'s stuffed his massive mane of hair into a brown wig and was wearing a little replica of Seto\'s black outfit and white jacket, a duel disc strapped to his arm and an oversized Blue-Eyes White Dragon card in his hand. Seto, for his part, merely stood there with his arms folded over his chest, glowering at everyone. He, of course, didn\'t have a costume.

"Alright, all of you are going to let Mokuba Trick or Treat. You may pose for pictures if you make it quick. Then I will be leaving. No one will talk to me or try to engage in any holiday fun with me. Are there any questions?"

Martin slowly raised his hand. "You\'re not in costume, sir?"

"I am," Seto said, a condescending little smirk forming on his lips. "I\'m dressed as someone who tolerates this nonsense."

"...it\'s a lovely costume," I muttered before returning to my cake, waiting for Mokuba to come up to me with his bag, trying to decide if Kaiba would throw a fit if I just grabbed a candy bowl and dumped the entire thing in there.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh ."

We all turned, frowning at the long, drawn out sigh, only for many of the workers to frown as they stared at the new arrival that was leaning in the doorway. She had muted green hair, pale skin, a maroon dress that flattered her figure without being obscene, pointed ears, fangs-

"Aw crap," I muttered to myself.

"OOOOOOOO!" Aria exclaimed, suddenly bouncing towards the woman. "Did someone hire a vampire stripper? That\'s nice but you couldn\'t get a kaiju or something?"

"I am not a-" the clearly vampire woman paused, blinking her eyes in surprise. "A kaiju stripper?"

Aria shrugged. "I\'m into monster fucking."

"Who isn\'t?" Cassie called out, causing Pegasus to do a double take. "Don\'t judge me, I\'ve seen your manga collection."

"...fair enough," Pegasus admitted.

"Could we not talk about monster... that... in front of my little brother?" Seto demanded in annoyance. "Or better yet if you do talk about it again I will fire you all!"

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "We all know Mokuba has to wait till he\'s thirteen and then I will give him and Seto the Talk."

Seto shot me a death glare while Mokuba merely frowned. "I know about sex, Seto."

"Shhh, no you don\'t, Mokuba."

"I spent several days on an island with Mai Valentine," he pointed out. "Her and Tea sometimes forgot I was around when they changed."

"Huh," I said before turning to the vampire woman while Seto began to think of all the ways to kill Tea and Mai for their unintended strip tease. "Listen, could we maybe... not do this? Please? We\'re having a party and I would love to go one year without someone intruding. Last time it was a fucking snowman-"

But the vampire woman merely scoffed. "I am afraid you can not stop me. I will take down any mortals who think they can stop me from completely my unholy crusade! If you stand against me here... you will suffer. For I am Camula! Last of the vampires!"

I sighed and formed my Band into a Duel Disc (because yes, I did refuse to give it back to Edna). "Damn it, I thought I was going to be able to avoid you for a decade. Guess I can\'t just kill you either without fucking up GX."

"Do you follow what he is saying?" Martin asked, Caesar shaking his head.

"Ah, a battle!" Camula said with a sharp (quite literally) grin, waving her hand and causing a duel disc that resembled a bat\'s wings to appear. "How perfect!"

"I figured everyone in this fucking world duels, even vampires."

"LANGUAGE!" Seto shouted, pressing his hands against Mokuba\'s ears.

Camula merely smirked as she moved fully into the room, the party guests all circling me and her as we prepared for the duel. "You do realize you have no hope of defeating me. I have lived for 700 years... no human can surprise me."

"Human? I\'m Edwin Chaos," I said, allowing my eyes to go black and gold. "Check your records again."

Camula considered that before laughing. "Ah, a challenge then! Very well! Then let me start this duel! I summon in defense mode my Vampire Retrainer!" On the field a canine-like creature that was half white wolf, half black demonic hellhound appeared and snarled at me.

"Now him I might fuck," Aria commented, Pegasus quietly taking her cup from her.

"I set this card and end my turn," I said, putting a monster in defense mode. "Hey, you didn\'t research me in secret, did you? Find out what deck I might run?"

"I didn\'t even know your name until you told it to me," Camula replied. "Why do you ask, mortal?"

"Because I\'m going to enjoy what happens next, seeing as this is a Halloween Filler Arc."

"Seriously, do you understand what he\'s saying?" Alec asked.

Seto rolled his eyes. "I tend to just wait for the noise to stop and then begin talking about important things again."

"Now then, I will tribute my Vampire Retainer in order to summon to my field my Vampire Red Baron!" On the field a vampire in armor on an undead horse appeared.

"Oh, are we getting Red Barons for the party?" Aria asked. "I love that pizza!"

"No, we are not," Seto declared. "I already had to waste perfectly good money on all this other food."

"...pizza does sound good, Seto," Mokuba admitted. "And that way I wouldn\'t have to stop for supper while we did Trick or Treating..."

Seto\'s face twisted into a scowl before he pulled out his phone. "I\'ll get Dominos."

"Meat lovers!" I called out. "Camula, you want any?"

She scoffed. "I will feast on your corpse."

"So meat lovers too. Got it. Two for us, Seto!"

"Bite me, Edwin!"

"Not a wise thing to say around a vampire!" I called out while Mokuba began to happily wander about getting everyone\'s orders. "Also works if I have to duel a werewolf next year." I paused, slowly considering that. "Fuck, I\'m going to have to duel a werewolf next year."

"So you\'ll have to duel Tristan?" Sally asked.

"That or an Egyptian mummy"

Camula laughed at that. "Oh, so you are going to duel a fictional creature?"

"I... wait, what?" I frowned "I mean, I\'m glad to know that mummies aren\'t shambling about-"

The vampire scoffed. "Everyone knows Egyptians aren\'t real."

"I..." I looked around, trying to assure myself I WAS still in Yu-Gi-OH!. "So... are you going to make a move?"

Camula merely smirked at me, lifting her lip just enough to reveal one of her fangs. "Ah, the impatience of mortality. When one has all of time they learn to take things nice and slow. Everything has its moment."

"So Yugi is a vampire too," I said. "That explains the long winded speeches."

Seto rolled his eyes. "Absurd." He touched his ear and, whispering in a tone he thought was low enough for me to not hear, said, "Aubrey, look into if Yugi Muto uses Vampire Powers to win duels."

Camula held out her hand. "Red Baron, attack his downface!"

I smirked as the lance pierced my Ghostrick Jiangshi. "Now then, I can-"

"That is offensive and racist and you should be ashamed!" Camula declared, pointing at the little Ghostrick that was impaled on the Red Baron\'s lance. The Ghostrick, for his part, didn\'t seem too concerned.

"Pardon?"

"Look at that crude mockery of the proud Jiangshi!" She walked onto the field and began to gesture wildly at the Ghostrick. "A cute little chibi boy... the Jiangshi are noble vampires, draining the lifeforce of others to sustain themselves even as their bodies rot and stiffen. This... this is a mockery of their kind!"

"...right, so anyway-"

"I am offended that you aren\'t more offended," Camula said with a sniff.

"-the effect of my Ghostrick Jiangshi is that I can now select a Ghsotrick monster from my deck with a level equal to the number faceup on my field and add it to my hand."

"And my Red Baron allows me to add your Ghostrick Jiangshi to my side of the field as a thrall... much to my annoyance." My little Chinese Vampire popped up in defense mode on Camula\'s side of the field.

Martin frowned. "Why did you make a chibi Chinese vampire, anyway?"

Pegasus shrugged. "I thought it would be cute. I tend not to like too scary of things."

"...you live in big spooky castle, sir."

"Don\'t remind me," Pegasus said with a shudder. "That was Cecelia\'s idea. One thing we disagreed on. I wanted a nice townhouse in Branson, Missouri. \'But Max, this way when we die we can haunt it for all eternity!\'."

Realizing I really didn\'t want to pick at the thread of Pegasus\' wife being the creepy one I held up two cards. "I\'ll set one facedown monster and one facedown card and end my turn."

Camula smirked. "And now it is time for all of you to face your worst fears!"

I groaned. "I have to eat at a vegan restaurant?"

"No," Camula said with a shudder. "I am not that cruel." She turned to Mokuba. "Also I changed my mind, can I have 2 meat lovers pizzas?"

"Okay!" Mokuba chirped happily.

"Extra sauce?" I asked her.

"Not because it looks like blood but because it is yummy."

Caesar frowned. "Won\'t the garlic bug you?"

"One of my husbands was Italian. I built up an immunity."

"Oh, like Spike!" I said with a grin.

"Whedon actually stole that from me." She frowned. "After he... did things... the settlement I got won\'t allow me to discuss it." She shook her head. "I was referring to my field spell, Vampire Kingdom, which I activate now!" The field spell activated, causing us all to end up in an abandoned village, the sky above us black and red and a crumbling castle on a tall hill dominating the landscape. "And now my Baron will attack your downface!"

"Revealing my Ghostrick Doll!" I said, a cute little haunted doll appearing.

Camula growled. "More racism and bigotry, I see."

"Huh?"

"Possessed dolls are monsters, no different than me or werewolves or spider demons. They deserve respect and instead you represent them with this caricature? It is offense!"

"...I\'m guessing that me summoning with her special effect my Ghostrick Specter won\'t be taken as being woke?" The chibi little sheet ghost appeared on the field.

"Not at all," Camula said darkly. "You are a terrible ally."

"Right." I sighed, seeing that this was going to be a delightful duel. "So Specter allows me to draw one card. And since it is the end of your turn even though you get to summon Doll to your side of the field as a thrall she still has one last gift to give me: I can force every monster on the field into facedown defense mode and then summon this monster from my deck into downface defense mode as well." I smirked. "I won\'t tell you what it is as that would spoil the fun. Everyone deserves one good scare, right?" I tapped my duel disc. "Like this one: I summon into attack mode my Ghostrick Stein!" On the field a chibi Frankenstein\'s Monster appeared on the field. "Anything to complain about him?"

"Only that I hate it when people yell about the Monster not being a Frankenstein."

"Right?!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "He was made by Victor which makes him like his child. He is a Frankenstein himself, Victor\'s first child." I paused. "I always liked the idea that his first name was Adam."

"Yes, that was always my choice as well."

I nodded, pleased me and the blood sucking fiend had something we could bond over. "Alright, now I-"

The monsters on Camula\'s side of the field fizzled as did the field spell.

"Damn it all!" Camula exclaimed, smacking her duel disc. "Every time..." She shook her head. "This is why I must defeat you! No one can stand in the way of me getting this repaired!"

"Wait," Seto said, stepping forward. "You are just here to get your duel disc fixed?"

"You aren\'t here to kill us?" Alec questioned.

"Which, since we work for Kaiba and Pegaasus, comes up more often than you\'d think," Sally said.

Camula frowned. "No. I made an appointment for 3pm."

Seto sighed. "Right, I forgot about that because of this stupid party." He walked over and held out his hand. "Give it here... the duel ends in a draw because of faulty equipment." He motioned for Cassie and Martin to clear off a spot on a table, Mokuba running to get his tools. "I warned R&R that we needed to be careful with these custom Bat Wing Duel Discs; the thickness of the material can cause overheating. I\'ll fix it right now and then fire some people for not listening to me."

I just looked around, baffled.

"Good, then I should be able to make it to my date. Let me just call him." Camula took out a phone. "Solomon? It\'s Camula. Yes... yes... oh, I\'m glad Yugi is doing well. Listen, I should be able to make it on time."

"...what?!" I screamed.

~MC~MC~MC~

"You know you\'re going to have to carry that thing around all night," Duke pointed out, reaching up and adjusting the ear piece he was wearing. He\'d wanted to look dashing a cool and had been hoping to get Joey\'s sister as his partner for the costume wearing deal the gang had come up with. Everyone was partnered with someone and the idea was to wear a duo costume. But Serenity had gotten Joey and he\'d been stuck with Tristan, who had decided he really wanted to go as one of those old timey American baseball players. The ones that had muttonchops and huge mustaches. As such Duke had decided to go as his security detail, which allowed him to dress in a suit with sunglasses and an earpiece.

"I\'ll be fine," Tristan said, shifting the bat he was carrying. "Worst case I get Edwin to teleport it back to his place."

"I will never get used to that being something we can rely upon," Duke said as the two of them crossed the street to the museum. They saw a bunch of people, both in costume and not, lingering about but they had their eyes on one particular group. "Hey guys!"

"Hey Tristan!" Yugi said, adjusting the leather harness he was wearing. It had a squirt gun in it, same as Tea with her holsters. "Great costume!"

"Thanks!" Tristan said, looking at everyone. "Hey Mai, who are you supposed to be?"

"Ranger Slayer," she said, adjusting her grip on the pink and black helmet she was wearing. "Edwin suggested it because he\'s a nerd."

"And proud of it," the blond said, wearing the ranger outfit he\'d donned last Halloween to take out that freak that had turned them all into their costumes.

Duke, recognizing the outfit as well apparently, leaned in and asked in a softer voice, "is that-"

"Yeah. The Morphers still work."

"...next Halloween?" Duke asked.

"Yup. Maybe we can get an entire team."

Duke grinned, remembering how powerful he had felt as the Black Sentry Ranger and deciding right there that he couldn\'t wait for next year.

"Where are your shadows?" Tristan asked.

"Already here!" Yuri called out and Tristan turned only to blink in surprise at the sight of Edwin\'s bodyguard and Tea\'s sister. Renard was wearing regular clothing, which was odd for him to say the least considering he usually looked like a pirate, but he did have facepaint on that made him look like a fox. Yuri, for her part, had on a beat cop uniform and bunny ears.

"...Judy Hoops and Nick?" Edwin asked.

Renard bowed slightly. "But of course!"

"Pull it off good," Mai said before looking about. "This is everyone, right?"

"Except Bakura," Tea said, biting her lip. "You think he\'s okay?"

~One Hour Earlier~

"Hey Bakura," Edwin said over the phone, "need to talk to your hijacker."

Before Bakura could say a word the Spirit of the Millennium Ring took control. "Chaos. Come to beg me to not target you with my newest fiendish-"

"So its Halloween. Filler Arc. Last time we had that duel, you remember? The one where I used my Ghostrick deck and drove you insane? I figured we could make that a regular thing so when you and Bakura show up at the museum-"

The Spirit hung up the phone and decided to watching some nice, safe cartoons for the rest of the night.

~MC~MC~MC~

"I\'m sure he\'s fine," Edwin said. "Let\'s get moving. The exhibit isn\'t going to view itself."

"But what if it could?" Joey asked.

"I... what does that even mean?"

"That the exhibit could view itself. That would be spooky!"

"I don\'t... what?"

Mai wrapped an arm around Edwin as they made their way towards the main entrance. "It must be so odd for you not to be the confusing one."

"Ha bloody ha," Edwin said with a dark look and a smirk.

"Bloody, because of Halloween," Duke commented.

"Let\'s go with that," Edwin said, already reaching into his pocket and pulling out his credit card; the gang no longer argued with him when he paid for things, understanding that since Edwin now had more money than he knew what to do with thanks to his job at KaibaCorp that he liked to spend it on outings such as their Halloween night.

However he didn\'t get a chance to even hold the card up before Alan, one of the museum\'s best archeologists and the guy Edwin had gotten in contact with concerning his deck and the Millennium Items (and Yugi and his friends had admitted they REALLY needed a meeting with him themselves), waved him off.

Which was funnier than it should have been, what with him in a giant inflatable Clafairy costume.

"On the house, Edwin."

"You sure?"

"You donated half a million bucks to the museum... I think we can waive the cover charge to enter. Classic Monsters Exhibit?"

"That\'s the plan," Edwin said as Nikolas, Mai\'s old dueling rival, walked out of the museum with James, the head of security at CCN. The former was dressed as Achilles while the latter was dressed as a wizard. "Before you say it, James... yes, we shall pass."

"That meme is overplayed anyway," James commented anyway, giving Edwin a wave before heading off with Nik.

"They know each other?" Tea asked.

"Everyone knows everyone in this town," Renard pointed out, a bit distracted as he spotted several kids wearing Corpse-Man costumes.

Yuri nodded. "It\'s true. Honestly it\'s surprising for a town this big how many people know each other."

Mai looked at Edwin, rather oddly in Yugi and his friend\'s opinion. "Almost like an anime where the crowds don\'t even have speaking roles?"

"Almost," he replied with a faint smile.

Deciding that this was just another case of Edwin being Edwin the gang shrugged and headed into the museum, waving goodbye to Alan as he headed off (mentioning needing to meet up with Mako of all people for drinks, proving Renard\'s point).

"Yugi, do you know your grandpa is dating a vampire?"

"Camula or Lizbeth?"

The entrance to the museum and its first main room look like any museum one might find: super tall ceilings, information desk in the front right as one walked in, signs letting visitors know which way to go to see the classic paintings or the dinosaur bones or the samurai armor. The major difference though was where the Ancient Egyptian Exhibit had been last time there was now the Classic Monsters Exhibit. The entryway had a large red curtain in front of it, which opened automatically when someone stepped close to it, flashing lights going off while the Swan Lake Overture began to play. A group of moms dressed as the Ghostbusters let out laughs at that before heading inside, giving everyone a brief look inside. Gray walls, a lot of interesting lighting, large hanging images on wood panels, and glass display cases.

Just the perfect thing for a non-scary night.

"Oh!" Serenity said in delight. "That looks so cool! It reminds me of that summer we spent in Oregon, Joey!"

~Several Years Ago...~

"And this is a fake rock that looks like a rock!" a man in a fez with an eyepatch told a group of tourists. "It\'s a rock but it looks like a fake!"

"Gruncle Stan," Little Serenity said, tugging on the man\'s jacket, "we accidently released that guy with stars in his eyes that was in the snow globe down in the cellar."

"You released Morph-" Stan turned and looked down at Little Joey and Serenity. "Wait, you aren\'t Mabel and Dipper."

Zeus chuckled. "Heh, we\'re so in an unapproved crossover, dude."

~Present~

"Hmmm," Edwin said, "my Uncle Bill always told me never to trust people named Stan."

"Darn right, Edwin!" a small yellow triangle with a single eye and a top hat declared, doing a fist bump with Edwin before leaving the museum. "You have fun!"

"Are... are we going to talk about that?" Duke asked, concerned.

"Filler arc!" Edwin and Mai sang.

"Alright, anyone want to see anything else before we hit the exhibit?" Tea asked.

"Nah," Joey said. "We all have seen these how many times thanks to field trips? Let\'s see somethin\' new! Then I want to get as much candy as I can before we go watch the movie!"

With that the gang hurried over to the entrance, stepping on the triggering spot and watching at the curtains opened. They quickly hurried inside... only to stop when the lights flashed again and they found themselves NOT in the exhibit but someplace else entirely.

"Edwin..." Mai whispered, grabbing his hand.

"Not me or the Key," he said as he looked around the old English foyer. Literally old, as it was covered in dust, cobwebs, and all other manner of decay. Wilted flowers sit on a worn table in the center of the room. The stairs that led up to the second floor had cracked wood. The windows so filth covered that it was impossible to tell what the outside world looks like. An old grandfather clock chimed from somewhere and wind blew against the side of the house, causing the building to moan and groan. The air smelled stale, having not been disturbed for centuries, and the candles, freshly lit yet caked with old dried wax, flickered all around them.

"Joey... I don\'t like this," Serenity said, grabbing her brother\'s arm.

"Edwin?" Tristan said. "Mind getting us out of here."

"Love to," Edwin said, turning to activate the key... only for a cackle to fill the air.

"Leaving so soon?" a man said and everyone turned to see a rather familiar figure standing on the balcony, wearing an old-fashion black tux.

"Parker..." Edwin growled as he spotted the man that had caused so much chaos during the last Halloween. He took a step forward only to frown. "Wait... how the hell are you here? You were arrested!"

"Which admittedly is odd for bad guys we face," Tristan admitted.

"You think a prison can hold me?"

"...yes! It\'s a prison! It\'s supposed to hold you!" Edwin flapped his arms about in frustration. "What did you do, duel your way out?"

Parker grinned.

"...oh my god you dueled your way out."

~Earlier...~

"And that\'s the duel!"

The warden sighed. "Fine, you can leave. But you have to be back by November 1st!"

"That\'s fair."

~MC~MC~MC~

The gang watched as Edwin banged his head against a wooden pillar. "I. Hate. This. Fucking. World."

"What is it you want from us, Parker?" Tea demanded, taking a step forward, her hands on her hips.

"What I want is revenge for what you did to me! You turned me into a villain!"

Everyone just stared at him before, at once, they all began yelling and screaming about he did that to THEM first. How he had thrown a tantrum because some people dressed up as villains for Halloween and that had made him decided, of all things, to invoke dark magic to actually TURN them into their costumes just to then defeat them by turning himself into a hero. How EVERYTHING was his fault because he couldn\'t see that people liking a villainous character didn\'t mean they were evil monsters that would loot and pillage.

Edwin just kept hitting his head against the pillar.

"ENOUGH!" Parker roared, the group quieting down. "I will make you pay for what you did to me! Each and every one of you!"

"Serenity wasn\'t even there!" Tristan complained, waving his hand at the confused girl. "I don\'t think any of us even told her what happened!"

"Was he the snowman Edwin had to duel?" Serenity asked, tilting her head, befuddled by the turn of events.

"...I don\'t care!" Parker shouted.

Edwin\'s banging grew more frequent.

"And now you will suffer the wrath of my tiny rod!" Parker said, reaching down to his pants... and pulling out a small magic scepter.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief.

"You won\'t feel good for long! Not when you\'ve witnessed just what my tiny rod can do! No one feels pleasure when faced with my tiny rod!"

"HEY!" Sterling Archer said, popping in through a side door. "Phrasing!"

"Fucking. Filler. Arcs." Edwin moaned, Mai now joining him in bomping her head against the pillar.

"With my tiny rod I shall ensure you know only disappointment when I thrust it at you! LIKE SO!"

"He didn\'t even set us up for \'that\'s what she said\'," Yuri complained, it clear Edwin was rubbing off on her, just before the small scepter glowed and struck them all with a blast of magic that knocked them all out.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Ugh," I groaned as I slowly came to. My head had a mild throb and I didn\'t think it was because of the pillar at all. Slowly reaching up I moved to rub my temple only to frown when I found fabric touching fabric. "The hell?" I muttered as I looked down to find myself in a completely different outfit. My ranger outfit was gone, leaving me in old fashion pajamas that were in various shades of gray. I also had on a bathrobe of some kind... though looking at the gray fabric and seeing how nice it was I began to wonder if it was actually a smoking jacket. I also had on thin gloves as well, different from my ranger outfit\'s gloves.

I touched my face again only to find that my head was wrapped in bandages. My glasses were different too; they had sides to them that pressed into the wrappings.

"What the sweet hell?" I repeated before hearing Mai groan. "Hey, careful there," I said, hurrying over to her. She was wearing a gray dress that was in a 1950s style but more concerning was that her skin was a pale whitish gray as well. "Mai... get up slowly... Parker did something to us."

"Uuuuuh?" she said as she slowly pushed herself up, turning to face me... and revealing that part of her cheek was rotted away, revealing her jaw bone and teeth. I flinched but Mai merely stared at me in confusion, tilting her own head as she took in the odd sight that was me. "Uuuuh," she moaned, blinking before clearly trying again to say something. "Uh. Uh." Her eyes went wide as panic began to set in. "Uh! Uh!" she said rapidly and despite my earlier shock I quickly grabbed her and pulled her close.

"Calm down. Calm down. Just breathe." I did my best not to shove her away when I felt how cold her skin was.

"Guys?" Yugi said, his voice raspy. "What\'s going on."

I turned to see Yugi... also wrapped in bandages only they covered his entire body, the fabric dusty and worn and crumbling. His skin was gray as well but horribly wrinkled, bits of wrapping having fused with his flesh. Next to him Tea slowly got up, wearing a white dress, her hair standing straight up with a shot of white running through it, her alabaster skin marred by scars.

"Tea?" Yugi asked.

Tea... just hissed, her hands going to her throat as she did so.

I slowly let go of Mai and reached down, tugging at my glove, fingers wiggling.

Not that I could actually see them.

"Aw fuck," I muttered as I stared at my invisible hand.