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Chapter 109: The Final Truth - Part 4

ELIA

Elia shuddered. She needed to move. Find a way to make this fit into her view of him. He\'d touched that woman? Had sex with her? Kissed her—argh! "Reth, I…" she trailed off, her skin itching. She pushed off the sleeping platform and began to pace the floor in front of him.

Reth went very still, his eyes never leaving her face.

She knew him. She did. She didn\'t know how it had happened so quickly, but he was under her skin and she knew him. He was hers. Heart and soul. She didn\'t doubt it. But when she tried to open her mouth and tell him that, all she could see in her mind was his mouth on Lucine\'s, their bodies entwined—the physical power of the wolf-woman, and probable instinctive prowess of the Anima…

Elia clawed her hands into her hair. "Why didn\'t you tell me?" She wasn\'t even angry as much as… shaky. Fragile. It seemed like every time she turned around right now something wanted to bite her.

No pun intended.

"Elia, it was nothing. I regretted it the minute it was done, but I thought I had to make the most of it if we were to be mated. I never imagined… You have to know, she has no part of my heart—"

"I know that. I do," she said, but there was no softness in her tone and she could tell Reth could feel it. Elia ran a shaky hand through her hair. "How did it happen? I mean, how did people not know? It seems like they know everything about you and me!"

"They know because you and I are true mates," he said softly, standing from the sleeping platform and stepping towards her. She shot him a warning look and he stopped moving closer, but he didn\'t stop talking. "Our connection is a soul-tie, Elia. If Lucine and I had mated in that way—the flames and smoke, the ceremony, they would have been able to scent that too. But when we did this it was… it was just sex."

"Just sex," Elia snorted, halfway between tears and raging. "Just sex. Just the thing I waited for—just the thing the entire city talked to me about for a week before—" She cut herself off and stopped pacing, closing her eyes for a moment, trying to shake off the mental images that continued to plague her of Lucine tangled up with Reth—worse! Of Reth taking her. Tangling himself with her! She was a beautiful woman. And even younger than Elia. Elia swallowed. "How did it happen? I mean…" her face went wide with horror. "Did she come here and—did you guys have sex in our bed?" She turned her head to stare at the bed. Her skin crawled as if she\'d just found out it was full of snakes.

"No! Elia, no! It was nothing like that. It was weeks before… We had a feast and I\'d drunk a little too much. It was late and I went out to the fields alone, just to enjoy the Creator and stare at the stars. But she must have seen me leave because she showed up where I was laying in the grass and … we talked. And she told me that she was going to be the sacrifice for the Rite, which hit me hard—I didn\'t even want to do it! Then she talked about how there would be so much happening during those days… she knew she would win. Was completely confident. It was, as far as she was concerned, a foregone conclusions. And honestly? I thought she was right. And I was so angry about it. I hate the Rites. When she offered herself—it was her idea. I didn\'t ask—I was still… I don\'t know, I wanted to do something to prove to myself that I wasn\'t ruled by this barbarian thing we had to do. But with Lucine? It wasn\'t even in my head. And at first, I tried to put her off. Politely. But she was insistent and I was drunk and… does it really matter?"

No, it didn\'t, because Elia\'s heart was already broken. "You had sex with her outside? Alone?"

Reth blinked. "Yes, I… why does that make your face so sad my love?"

"Because it\'s on my list," she said and her voice cracked. "It\'s the first thing on my list, Reth! We\'re never alone. It seems like… we\'re never just us. Unless we\'re in here. And… I love being outside, but… everyone can smell bloody everything. Or hear it. It… I was hoping we could drop the guards and get to be out there, together, alone. But you\'ve already done that. So I get it, it\'s not as special for you—"

"No, Elia. Don\'t say that. Never say that." Reth looked like he\'d been stabbed. "This, with you, is precious. Far more special than anything I\'ve done with anyone before. Ever. There isn\'t even a comparison. I wish… I wish I could open my head and my heart to you so you could see for yourself. I do not lie. You are utterly precious to me. And what happens between us… it… moves me."

He stepped closer and she didn\'t stop him this time. He moved carefully, slowly, watching her, waiting for her to deny him. But the truth was, she didn\'t want to. That\'s why it hurt so badly—she wanted his comfort. Needed it. But it was him who had caused the pain! Her heart was so confused. She dropped her face in her hands, her teeth gritted, not against tears, but against frustration.

When would this get easy? When would she be able to just be with her husband, her mate, and not have to wonder what else waited around the corner to trap her? Or kill her? Or humiliate her?

"Elia, please love," he whispered. "Let me hold you." When she didn\'t say no, he put his arms around her, pulling her into his chest.

She leaned into his steel warmth, inhaling the pine and rain, that utterly masculine, wholly unique scent of him and she clung.

"What is in my past is past, Elia," he said, his voice deep and serious. "I have made mistakes, and there are things I regret. But the only way I can show you is to learn from those things and not do them again."

"You\'re too… you\'re too much!" she squeaked into his chest.

"What?"

"You\'re too nice. I know I\'m not perfect, Reth! I know I mess up too, and don\'t even know it most of the time. I know I\'ve done things I regret too and it\'s not fair to be mad at you for something you did when you didn\'t even know I was going to be here, but…"

He stroked her hair back off her face. "But what?"

"But it hurts! Every time I see her now all I\'m going to see is your hands on her and hers on you and… ugh!" She covered her eyes again as if she could escape the mental images. "And you know what really makes me mad? Lucine of all people—and whoever else you\'ve had over these years you were sowing your Kingly oats or whatever—they have this piece of you that I can\'t have, because I\'m so damn weak here that we can\'t just live. I want to just live, Reth! I want to just live with you—be out together. Alone. Not have guards standing over me, sniffing everything—kiss you in the trees without worrying that a kid can hear us if things go further! I want to go to a meal and not have everyone know what we did the night before, I just… I want something to be sacred. Just between us. And these women, they\'ve all had that with you and I… I haven\'t…" she finished lamely.

Reth\'s fingers tightened in her hair and his eyes lit with a fierce light. "Give me an hour," he said.

*****

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