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Chapter 366: Do Not Fear

LERRIN

Late that evening he was returning to the tent after dinner when he realized he hadn\'t bathed. No wonder his entire body felt uncomfortable.

Greeting the two guards, he swept into the tent where a lantern had been lit. He hoped it meant Suhle was back. But unfortunately, she wasn\'t anywhere with in its walls. He even carefully checked her screened off corner in case she just didn\'t want to speak. But, nothing.

He didn\'t like to admit to himself that he felt like he needed help and support. He\'d never felt that way before in his life. Even learning from his father, being groomed for leadership had never felt like his lack, only his destiny that he was fully capable to walk into.

Now… he was not accustomed to needing to hear the thoughts of another. To weighing himself against their measure.

And he definitely had never thought of himself as someone who needed a servant. He was a strong and capable male. The Alpha. He could draw himself a bath.

He snorted and strode to the corner where the tub was left, ready for its next use. He knew how to heat water, and lug water. And yes, there were many who would happily do the job for him if he asked. But it didn\'t feel right to invite another into Suhle\'s territory. So he would do it himself.

Forty minutes later he was muttering curses under his breath and wondering why he\'d even started. Every bucket of cold water he dragged back to the tent seemed full of rocks. Every kettle of hot that he heated either scalded him, or barely seemed to touch the chill of the water in the tub.

It took almost an hour, but he finally managed to get the temperature just right—steaming, but not ready to blister his skin—and he stripped and sank into it with a groan. He needed it even more now that his shoulders ached from hauling the water, and he\'d gotten sweaty.

He made a mental note to thank Suhle for the work she\'d been doing every day to indulge him. He\'d had no clue how hard the work was. He wondered if it was worth it… but shuddered at the idea of not bathing daily—or of bathing in the icy mountain streams.

Lucine had always teased him for his fastidious care of his "fur" as she called it. And Lerrin didn\'t know why. But he was always more comfortable, more relaxed when he was clean.

For a few minute he just soaked in the tub with his head tipped back onto the high lip of it, eyes closed as he breathed in the steam. But eventually he knew the water would begin to cool. So with a sigh, he opened his eyes and looked for the soap and small rag he\'d left on a stool next to the tub.

And found himself staring at Suhle, her hood still up, standing just feet away, staring at him—eyes wide and pleading.

"Suhle! Are you alright?!" he started to push up, out of the tub, but she rushed forward and put a hand to his shoulder to keep him down.

"No!" she whispered. "Stay there.

She\'d touched him in this functional way so many times, but now… his skin under her hand prickled and that entire side of his body pebbled with gooseflesh.

If she noticed, she didn\'t mention it. Instead, once he\'d settled back into the water without splashing it over the sides, she pulled a small stool over to sit behind him and picked up the soap and rag he\'d left next to the bath.

Lerrin\'s eyes closed as she began to scrub him as she had so many times before.

But it was an entirely different experience now, having her hands on him, her gentle touch all over his skin as her scent wafted in the steam.

He didn\'t want her behind him, he wanted her in front of him where he could look at her.

"Who hauled the water for you?" she asked softly as she scrubbed his back. "I will make a point to thank them."

"I did it," he said simply. "Suhle—"

"You are a good and humble man, Lerrin. But you should not do that kind of labor when there are those whose jobs depend on doing it for you. You will have them thinking they are not needed."

"I did need you, Suhle, but you weren\'t here and you weren\'t listening to me."

Her hands on his shoulder froze.

Lerrin swallowed, all his anger and bravado of the day gone, sucked out of him by the water, or her presence, he wasn\'t sure. Suddenly none of the things he had to do seemed as frightening as the prospect of failing to keep her there, with him.

"I was afraid you weren\'t coming back," he whispered, staring at his ow knees pushing up out of the water. "I want to kiss you again, Suhle, but I won\'t if it will keep you here. I would rather have you close and not that close, then not with me at all."

She didn\'t move, or respond.

"Where did you go? Were you safe?" he asked, cursing himself for the pathetic weakness of his voice.

"I was safe, always," she whispered finally.

"Where did you go?" he repeated.

He heard her swallow. "I needed to think. To decide. I did not think I could be near a discussion of violence just then. I knew… I know Paryk, the bird," she said softly. "She is a dear heart. I fear for her."

"Oh, Suhle, I\'m sorry. I didn\'t even think about you knowing them." He twisted around in the tub so he could see her over his shoulder. "I want you to know I\'m going to take care of this. I\'m going to take Reth down directly. I will make sure, if he has killed her, that she is avenged. You can trust me, Suhle, I will make certain. I vow to you."

She blinked and her eyes somehow went wider. "You would… what?"

"I\'m going to the Tree City. I\'m going to get to Reth and I am going to kill him," he said through his teeth. "You do not need to fear this happening again."