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Star

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It wasn\'t until Artem had left and I looked down at my body that I realized why he had walked backwards across the room until he got to the door. Not to mention why he had moved so slowly. I had dropped my towel in my urgency to kiss him.

I felt my face flush again. 

\'Oh my God.\' Those were the only words that were going through my head for a minute. I can\'t believe that I didn\'t realize he was looking at my naked body. I can\'t believe I had been so shameless.

While those words were going through my head Lyra, my wolf, seemed to take it upon herself to begin panting over the memories of Artem\'s hand\'s on my body. I could even feel her wagging her tail in the back of my mind. Now that was a crazy weird feeling.

"Hush you." I yelled out loud but I was directing it toward my wolf. As soon as I said those words it seemed like the animal inside me was laughing. This was definitely going to take me a while to get used to.

I really didn\'t have time to pay attention to all that was going on inside my head though, my body was speaking louder. It chose that moment to remind me that Artem had been helping me to walk to the bathroom when I shifted. I was on my way here because I needed to use the facilities. I had been enslaved or asleep for a long time and I was missing out on a few biological necessities.

I hurried over and relieved myself which was such a relief that I honestly nearly moaned from the feeling of that alone. Oh God, I have never needed to pee so bad before.

Once that strange experience was over I decided to do as Artem suggested. I wanted to take a shower and wash off any and all traces of Uncle Howard. He had touched me. He had put his mouth on me. I needed to scrub myself to feel clean again.

I turned the water on until it was hot, almost too hot to handle. I stepped under the spray of the water and let the scalding water wash away the memories of Uncle Howard\'s touch. I felt like a slimy film was sliding away and leaving my body feeling clean and fresh.

Oddly enough, though, I could still feel every single spot that Artem had touched me just now. I could feel his hands on my back and the way they had moved up and down until they had settled in their desired spots. I felt his lip on mine as his tongue slowly drove me insane. I felt the muscles in his arms and chest as he held me against his strong, powerful body. 

"What the hell is the matter with me?" I asked myself as I felt my body becoming hotter than the water that was falling onto me. I needed to stop thinking about these things. I needed to shower and get dressed so I could wait for Artem to come back.

I imagined him coming through the door and I was throwing my arms around him, my lips pressed against him.

"Gah! Stop it!" I yelled at myself. "Stop! You need to stop! This isn\'t the time for that!" I was scolding myself, trying to make the images leave my mind. It was no use, they weren\'t going anywhere.

I pushed myself past the thoughts, I made myself shower and clean myself up. When I was out I brushed my teeth and used a copious amount of mouthwash. I had kissed Artem and that was fine, it was Uncle Howard\'s kiss I was trying to wash away the memory of.

Oddly enough, the cleaner I made myself the more prominently Artem\'s touches and kisses seemed to stand out to me. I could feel them, they were like phantom versions of the real thing that were reluctant to leave me.

When I felt like I had finally washed away all the bad touches, all the bad memories, I finally went out to my room so that I could get dressed. I made sure to hold the towel securely around me, just in case.

Thankfully there was no one out there and I was able to go straight to my closet and get dressed. I didn\'t plan on going anywhere and I was most comfortable in the clothes that Chay had called loungewear. I chose a comfortable pair of bottoms and a soft t-shirt that was still way too big on me. I had left off the bra, I felt better without it anyway, but I did make sure that I put on clean panties first.

I didn\'t know how much longer it was going to be until Artem got back so I decided to sit on the couch and wait for him. While I waited I started to think about everything that had happened to me. Not just recently but ever. All the things that had happened to me in my life that I could remember.

The bad things definitely outnumbered the good. There was no doubting that. However, the good things that I had experienced were so wonderful that they almost made me forget some of the bad things entirely. There was no way to properly measure them against each other.

I had been beaten, abused, starved, ridiculed, kidnapped, enslaved, and forced to marry a man that I thought was repulsive and vile. I had suffered at the hands of almost everyone I had ever met when I was a child. I never had a childhood. I never got the chance to experience the world, and now as a result I don\'t know anything that I am supposed to do.

On the positive side, I had cousins that loved me and tried to save me. They taught me to read and to write, that is something I will be eternally grateful for because it meant that I was not completely stupid. I was rescued by Artem and the others. I got to experience what I was missing in life. People cared about me and what I wanted and about making me happy. I got to be with my family that loved me. I got to eat real food and have real clothes. I got to be clean.

  Not to mention, I fell in love and found my mate. I made love to the man that I am in love with. My mate also rescued me again. He had rescued me and we had finally told each other about our feelings because he loved me too. I was allowed to be with him, I was allowed to be happy here. These positives definitely made all the negatives in my life seem so insignificant.

I could move on. I could let go of my past because those that were going to harm me were now gone forever. I never needed to worry about them again.

I tried to think about how I acted, how I responded, to all the ways I had been treated throughout my life. I wanted to take a look at where I could improve.

I always stayed defiant and oppositional when I was with my family. I think it was because when I was a child and weaker I had learned what it was they were capable of and what they would do to me. I learned that no amount of crying and pleading would ever make the bad things go away. That made me angry, especially towards those that had hurt me.

When I was rescued though, I felt like I had somehow softened up a little. I don\'t know if it was because I was gauging them, trying to see exactly what it was they were capable of doing to me. Or, perhaps it was because I didn\'t know what they were capable of and therefore I was more afraid of them than I was of my family.

I always knew that my family wouldn\'t try to kill me. I knew my whole life that I had a \'purpose\' to fulfill for them and so they would keep me alive, even if I had been broken. When I was rescued though, and found out that I was with an Alpha, I thought they were going to torture me to death.

I don\'t know why I thought this though. Why would they rescue me just to hurt me? But you can\'t fault the mind of the abused and imprisoned. We don\'t know any better.

I was happy with the turn that things had taken in my life, and I was happy with where I was. But I wasn\'t happy with myself right now.

I needed a new me. I needed to be someone that was a perfect blend of who I was and who I had become. I needed to put these two versions of myself together. I liked myself the best when I thought for myself and when I didn\'t let things get to me, but I also liked the me that let others help when they wanted to.

Could I do this? Was I capable of changing who it is that I had become? I guess only time would tell.