天天夜日日日日碰日日摸日日澡

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Star

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  "You look sad, Star." My father\'s voice faltered just a little. "Is it something that I said?"

"No, I think I am just remembering so much of the past right now. It is not an easy tale to tell." I wanted to prepare him for what was to come. If he heard this unprepared then I didn\'t know what he would do.

"I will be fine, child. I will brace myself for any hard parts that you might have to tell me."

I swallowed hard and sat on the couch in the study, and my father followed me calmly and sat next to me. He was facing me, not exactly eagerly, but I still don\'t think that he was fully prepared for what was going to happen here. However, I sighed and told him.

With my head hung low, I explained the entire story. I told him everything that had been in my mother\'s journal, what she had experienced, and the fear she had felt. I told him the trouble she had gone through when she had gotten to the home she thought where we would be safe.

Following the information from the journal, I explained to him everything that I could remember from when I was a child. I told him of my first memory of my imprisonment, the constant fear and sadness that I had felt back then, and how it had morphed into me feeling nothing but fear and anger.

I explained to him what happened when I shifted into a wolf for the first time. I told him how my Uncle Howard, who was the man that tampered with the letters that he shared with my mother, had promised me that he was going to marry me when I turned eighteen. I told him of my multiple escape attempts and my many injuries.

When I told him about the night that Artem rescued me and the fear that I felt toward the both of them, I saw a flicker of hope in his eyes. It was like he was listening to a riveting story that was full of ups and downs. He knew that when I was saved that I would be free, or so he thought.

When he, and of course Aunt Gloriana, learned the full details about what had happened to me the night that Uncle Howard had come for me, the night he had taken me back with him, there was anger and fear in his eyes. There were hundreds of emotions that he was feeling, things that he was still holding in, barely breathing, as he listened with bated breath.

I didn\'t finish the story completely. I hadn\'t told him or Aunt Gloriana about the visit from Trinity and Reece. And even though my aunt already knew, I hadn\'t yet told my father about me expecting a baby, that part I would wait for.

"I am sorry, Star." There was a dam that was clearly breaking when my father started to speak. He may have looked like he was following along with an exciting story before, but he was clearly holding back very intense emotions the entire time. "I am so very sorry that I was never there for you." He just barely managed to get those words out before he started to sob uncontrollably.

"It\'s alright. You couldn\'t have been there so it is not your fault." I rubbed his arm consolingly, trying my best to calm him down. "I know that if you could have you would have been there."

"N..n..n..no." He could barely get the word out. "Th..th..that is n..n..n..no excuse." He hiccuped as he sobbed then, the tears pouring down his face. "I never sh..sh..should have t..t..trusted that l..l..letter. I sh..sh..should have g..g..g..gone after her. I should have l..l..looked for her. I shouldn\'t h..h..have given up s..s..s..so easily." He was crying so hard now that his face was bright red, and his eyes were beginning to swell.

"It\'s alright Aaron, you didn\'t know. She was tricked just the same as you had been. You both thought that the other person didn\'t love you." I tried to hug him, but it felt awkward, and I didn\'t know what to do.

My father wanted to try and make things better though, so the moment that I got closer to him, the moment that I hugged him, he pulled me against him.

"No." He managed the word without stuttering or hiccuping this time. "I shouldn\'t have g..g..given up on her. I l..l..l..loved her. I still love her. I will never stop loving her. And b..because of s..s..some asshole, I lost out on the life of my only child. I will never get that back. I can never go back and see you grow up. I can\'t fix this."

My father hugged me tightly then, nearly crushing me with the intensity of his love and guilt. It was heartbreaking, but in a way it made me smile to know that he wasn\'t the asshole that I had thought he was going to be.

"I won\'t miss anything else." I heard conviction in my father\'s voice. "I am going to be there for everything else. I want to be there for you in any way that I can. I want to know you, and your mate. Please Star, let me do that for you." 

As I looked at my father, I saw that he seemed to be smaller than when he hugged me. I didn\'t know if it was just my imagination or if it was real, but I was glad that he was wanting to be a part of my life. I had never thought that something like this was going to be possible, ever.

"I would like that very much, Aaron." I smiled at him.

"I want to be a father to you, as little of a chance that there is for me to be one now. I want to do what I can for you. I missed so much, and I failed your mother. I won\'t fail again."

This time I could tell that it wasn\'t just my imagination. Everytime that my father spoke he seemed to be shrinking. He also seemed to be turning green. That was weird. What was happening to him?

"Aaron, you\'re losing yourself." I heard Aunt Gloriana\'s voice from across the room. "You need to stop letting your grip slip right now." I didn\'t understand what it was she was saying.

"I can\'t, Aunt Glory, I just can\'t. I lost my love. I gave up on her too easily because I believed that there was no way that she could love me. I let her go too easily, and I basically let her die. I let them kill her and I let them torture my daughter. It\'s all my fault. I should have gone after her. I shouldn\'t have accepted the letter and the words written on it. I should have known that something was wrong. Her flowers told me she loved me, but I let myself be lied to with words. I was so stupid, Aunt Glory. I was an idiot that should have fought harder."

He had slipped his arms away from me now and was basically shrinking in on himself as he sobbed out his grief. I had been given my chance to grieve over all of this. In fact, I had grieved many times for my mother over the last sixteen years, it wasn\'t something that hit me so suddenly like this. I couldn\'t imagine what my father was feeling right now. I couldn\'t even begin to feel what it was that was gripping his heart.

"I let her go. I let her go and let this happen." He was repeating himself now as the pain just wracked through his body. I wanted to cry as I watched him. He was hurting so much, he had been hurting for years.

"Aaron." I knelt next to him, trying to get his attention. "Aaron."

"My Vivian is gone. She\'s dead because I didn\'t chase after her. I just let my heartache keep me confined to my room. They killed her and it\'s all my fault."

"Father." I called out to him again. "Father." He didn\'t seem to be hearing me at all as I tried to get his attention.

"I let them kill my mate, and then they tortured my daughter. They hurt my whole family. I was a failure. How can I think that I am allowed to be there for Star now? She won\'t want me around at all. I am nothing but a failure. I let all of this happen to her and her mother."

"Dad!" I called out to him, but he still didn\'t listen. It was like his spiraling was too much for me to break through. There was one more thing I could think to say that might get his attention. I didn\'t know if it would work, and I was nervous too, since I had never said these words to anyone before. It was worth a try though, and they weren\'t going to be a lie. "It\'s OK Daddy, I don\'t blame you, and I know Mom wouldn\'t either. She loved you, and I love you." I gripped his now tiny forearms as I spoke, forcing him to pay attention to me and my words.

"What?" My father\'s red, swollen eyes looked up at me. "What did you say?"

"I said it\'s OK Daddy." I smiled at him. "I know that if Mom knew the truth now, she would say the same thing. She loved you, she really did, and I love you too." 

"Star!" He jumped at me then. I was afraid at first, but it seems that he had lost the last shreds of his control when he heard those words. 

By the time that my father had finished jumping at me he was a full on pixie that was just about as tall as my head. He was green, with green hair as well. His eyes were the same violet, but there was nothing human about them; there were no whites, just all color and a tiny black pupil. His hands, tiny and delicate looking, were gripped in my hair as he held onto me as tight as he could. I could still feel strength inside of him as well. He was strong, even in this form; he was just a lot smaller. The clothes that he had been wearing were laying in a pile at my feet, and he was now wearing a tunic made of purple flower petals. I didn\'t want to say this out loud, but he looked really cute.

"Star, that makes me so happy!" His voice was the same, only a little more high pitched. I could tell it was him, but it was still different. It was hard to explain and to comprehend. It didn\'t bother me though, this was his true form. His truest of true forms, and I was glad that I could see it. "I love you too, Star. I will love you more than any father has ever loved a daughter ever before. I will be the best father I can be, even though you\'re all grown up."

"Will you settle for being a good grandfather?" I asked him with a giggle in my voice.

"What?!" He pulled back from me, and that was when I realized that he had wings as well. I only noticed because I saw them beating furiously behind his back to hold him up. They looked like butterfly wings, large and very ornately pretty. His were blue and purple of course, to match his eyes and the flower petals.

"I would love to, when you and your mate decide to have children!" The excitement was still in his eyes, but he hadn\'t understood.

"How about in five months or so?" I asked him. "Since I am already pregnant." The joy seemed to spread through him, and his wings started to beat even faster.

I watched as my father shot straight up toward the ceiling and began flying in large circles. I had expected pixie dust, since I had heard Aunt Gloriana say those words earlier. There was no dust, but I wasn\'t disappointed. In the trail left behind by my father, there was a fluttering rain of flower petals that fell toward us. The petals were all different colors, and they were so beautiful. I couldn\'t help but gasp in awe.

"So pretty."

"Yes, they are." Aunt Gloriana agreed. "Now, I think it\'s time that Aaron gets a hold of himself. The food is here." She was telling us that we could talk more at dinner, but it was time to move on with the night a little. It had taken a long time I guess.

"Yes, Aunt Glory. Just give me a moment."

We gave my father some privacy so that he could turn back into his other form and get dressed. From there, we all sat down and enjoyed a nice dinner together. There was a lot to talk about, but we left most of the discussions for another time. We had all had a very emotionally taxing night already. I was just glad that things had ended on a positive note, and I was once again adding to my ever growing circle of family members that accepted me.