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ELRETH

As they stepped out of Aaryn\'s Tree House together, inside Elreth was a mess of feelings. She felt sick about Aaryn\'s mom, but ecstatic that she\'d sent Aaryn with her, that they would have these hours alone. Who cared about sleep? She wanted her hands on him, and—

They were only two steps from the door when Aaryn pulled back on her hand and stopped. "I can\'t," he said, his voice gruff.

Elreth\'s stomach dropped. She should have known. She turned to face him, bracing herself for the disappointment. At least she\'d sleep, she reminded herself.

The forest was dark between the trees, though the sky directly above them remained a soft husky orange as the last of the day\'s sun disappeared behind the mountains. While they stood there, the Tree City lanterns flickered on, casting Aaryn\'s face in sharp relief as he loomed over her, raking his hands through his hair while his eyes pleading with her to understand.

"Hey, don\'t worry," she said quietly and stepped into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I get it. I don\'t think I could leave my mom like that either."

Aaryn snorted. "Your mom would never be like that."

Elreth felt that way too, though her mother had told her more than once that she\'d had a very dark few months when she was pregnant with Elreth and separated from her father. Elreth had always struggled to believe it. Her parents were so strong and always felt invincible.

"Do you want me to stay here?" she asked quietly.

Aaryn looked down at her. "You\'d do that?"

"Of course. I want to be near you."

He gave her a lopsided smile, then sighed and pulled her into a hug. "That\'s… I\'d love that, but I don\'t think it\'s a good idea. If she wakes up and you\'re there she\'ll get really tense and ask me to leave again. I think… I think that\'s why she told me to go. Because she knew we\'d want to be together and she didn\'t want you here."

Elreth put her ear against his chest and listened to his heart while they stood there. She could feel the tension in and misery in him and ached to ease it. Hands clawed into his back, she inhaled his scent deeply. "I\'ll go then," she said finally, though it made her chest hurt. "but only if you promise me that if something happens, you\'ll send a messenger if there\'s anything you need in the night. I\'ll come, okay?"

"Thank you," he murmured, squeezing her hard.

Neither of them let go. Elreth wondered if, like her, it made him feel cold when they parted.

"Do you think you\'ll be able to make it to the meeting with the elders tomorrow?"

"Of course. I wouldn\'t miss it," he said, his deep voice rumbling in his chest, vibrating against her ear. "I\'ll need to talk to the Outsiders, too. I meant to see them today, but I got distracted with Mom."

"That\'s understandable," she said.

"Is it? I feel like your dad always did everything somehow. Like, he managed everyone, knew everything, and was still at home with you and your mom and Gar. I don\'t know how he did it."

"He didn\'t sleep a lot, and he had people he trusted. He did a lot of giving orders and listening to reports, then giving new orders," she said, smiling, remembering all the nights she\'d gone to sleep to the hum of elders voices in their living room. She sighed. "He also did it for a long time before we saw him. He warned me that the first couple years are tough—finding your feet, getting people around you that you can trust. I need to start working on that."

"You have good people around you, Elreth."

"Sure. But no one\'s really certain how this is going to work—including me. I need to start finding people to work in my place when I\'m not there." She pulled her head back and looked up at him. "Maybe that\'s a way we can bring some of the Outsiders… in? Maybe some of them can help us? With the Tribes?"

Aaryn shook his head, smiling. "I think that would be amazing."

Elreth searched his eyes. "You\'re going to take the Advisor role after the Flames and Smoke, right?"

"Yes, of course."

She nodded and they held each other for a minute. "Okay, so, tomorrow, with the elders, you need to let me lead. They have to see me as the Ruler taking control and coming to them for advice, not two kids who want their way and are just asking for permission."

He stroked her back. "I told you, Elreth, you\'re in charge when we\'re with other people. Always. I\'ll speak my mind when they\'re talking to me. But the decisions are yours."

"No, the decisions about this are ours," she said firmly, finally stepping out of his arms. "What we do, when, who knows… that\'s all something we both need to be comfortable with."

Aaryn nodded and pushed her hair back off her face. "As long as we\'re together, the rest I can handle," he said softly.

Elreth\'s heart fluttered and she groaned. "I have to walk away, or I\'m not going to. And then we\'re going to be stuck out here all night so your mom doesn\'t know I\'m here."

He nodded sadly and leaned forward to kiss her gently, his lips soft and resting against hers as much as moving. "Tomorrow it starts. Are you sure you\'re ready?" he whispered against her lips.

Elreth nodded, though she really wasn\'t certain of anything except Aaryn himself. Everything else remained a huge question mark.

"Come to the security building after breakfast. We\'ll present a united front," she said with a smile.

Aaryn huffed. "I\'ll be there."

"I love you, Aaryn."

"You have no idea the joy it gives me to hear that, El. No idea. I love you too."

She tore herself away then, before she no longer had the strength to walk away.