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It was not the same nightmare as I had at that time, the one with shadow in it.

It was like any other nightmares, where I was surrounded by darkness or being chased by monsters.

I know it sounds like a child’s dream, but I was pretty sure it was monsters. Shapeless monsters.

By the time I woke up in the morning, ah it was in the afternoon, I had dark circles under my eyes and my eyes seemed to miss the softness of the pillows. Even the cold water I purposely splashed onto my face couldn’t reduce the awful sensation I was feeling.

“Good morning, Jane.” I could hear the teasing tone in his voice, but I didn’t care.

I nodded to Sanji who was cooking our break... lunch. It was lunch time, of course.

“Erm, judging from your face, I don’t think you have a good night sleep.” He smiled.

“No shit, Sherlock.” I replied before I grabbed a bottle of cold water bottle from his refrigerator and put it on my face.

.....

“Sorry for acting comfy in your house. I’m not in the mood for courtesy.” I said while savoring the coldness of the bottle on my slightly warm face with my eyes closed.

“You’ll catch a cold like that.” I heard him saying gently.

I replied with a low hum, but ignoring his warning. “Where is Senior Hani?”

“He went back home this morning while you’re still asleep. With all the commotion last night, he didn’t even wake up. You can imagine how tired he was.” Sanji chuckled.

“Where’s Tom? I thought I heard him coming last night.”

“He’s gone.” I answered shortly.

“Gone? What do you mean ‘gone’?”

I opened my eyes and saw Sanji sitting in front of me with a frown on his face. After considering the possible outcome that might happen, I decided not to tell him about how Tom was only in a comma.

So, I shrugged and closed my eyes again.

“I don’t know. He came and said goodbye. That’s all.”

I didn’t need to know how he reacted to that. My mind focused on the bad feeling I had inside. Somehow, the bad feeling turned into something else. I felt my chest tightened and I had the urge to cry. My eyes started to feel warm, but I suppressed it. I took a deep breath repeatedly, but the feeling didn’t disappear. It eased up a bit, but it was still there.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?” Sanji looked at me with a frown in his face. Worry laced his voice and his gaze, but I was too deep into the strange feeling I had to react to his worry.

I shook my head lightly. “I don’t know. Mood swing, maybe?” I said, but deep inside my heart I knew it was not a mere mood swing.

It was something stronger than that. Something that I couldn’t comprehend the origin. It was different than mood swing.

“Are you on your period?” He frowned.

I smiled a bit. I had just had my period, and it had passed the time for me to have mood swing because of that. But, I didn’t say anything to Sanji.

“Ah well, you must enlighten your mood. Your hungry stomach will only make it worse. Why don’t you dig in now? Before it gets cold.” Sanji pointed at the food in front of me.

“Thanks.” To make him less worry about me, I decided to just go along with it. Even though I didn’t have appetite, I must eat.

Sanji must notice the way I ate different from before, but he didn’t say anything. He put my favorite dessert on the table after I ate -I didn’t know where he found out about it -but it still didn’t improve my mood.

Instead, the urge to cry was only getting stronger.

I took a deep breath over and over again, to calm my heart beat which was thumping loudly. After finishing the whole cup of dessert, I excused myself to get back to my room.

If I really cried, I didn’t want to do it in front of Sanji.

The glaring light from outside hurt my eyes and somehow it irritated me. I closed the curtains until the room was enveloped in the dim darkness. I even didn’t turn on the lamp.

I sat there in the dark. The only light that could get into the room was the one that happened to peek from the slight opening of the curtains. It was enough to let me see The White Army who was now standing in front of me in a straight rows and lines.

“Siji.” I called my Adviser.

“Here, Milady.” He appeared in front of me right after I called him out.

I was still frowning. After I sat in the dark only for a minute, somehow I had a hunch of the cause of the bad feeling I had.

“Find Bima, bring him here. Don’t let Sanji know about it.” I ordered him.

“Yes, Milady.” Siji turned around and ordered some of the men to execute my order.

At this moment, I only wished for my premonition to be wrong.

The men worked efficiently. In no time, they came back with Bima in their arms, struggling to let him go. But, no sound came from his throat.

The men threw him in front of me. I watched as Bima’s eyes widened in shock.

“What are you?” I asked. I really needed to find out why Sanji said he was a bad premonition.

It was as if he was the messenger of misfortune.

“M-me? I’m, I’m..” He stuttered.

My frown got deeper. It was as if someone was whispering to me to reach out and put my fingers in his forehead, to find some information hidden deep in his soul.

I didn’t know how I did that, but somehow it worked.

Images after images flooded into my mind but none of it was the one was looking for.

Deeper. I need to search deeper.

Deeper I went, then.

My eyes closed tightly and the frown in my face only got more profound. This time, it was not images anymore, but rather a dark well appeared in my mind.

It was like a dark and bottomless well. I couldn’t see the base.

“What are you looking for?” A voice startled me and I stopped moving.

Is it possible for a ghost to be possessed? It doesn’t make sense!

“What are you doing in Bima’s soul?” I asked.

“I am Bima, and Bima is me. We are one entity. We are inseparable. You, human, what are you looking for?” The voice sounded heavy and raspy, typical voice of monster.

“Are you the one who bring bad premonition to me?”

The voice was silent for a moment before it spoke again. “Indeed.” He spoke slowly. “Humans are miserable creatures. They are given the chance to change something, yet they are foolishly ignore it. They are given the chance to prepare their heart for something bad that might happen to them, yet they still blame others. Everything happens for a reason, and we always give a sign. Yet, they are ungrateful and only looking for pleasures, wailing and blaming others when they are in pain.”

I was rendered speechless hearing him speaking. I was only asking a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’ question, yet he spoke so much? I shook my head lightly.

I couldn’t deny that what he said was true, but I was really not in the mood to hear a lecture.

“Tell me, what kind of bad thing that will happen to me?”

“Human, what is your fear?” He asked me.

I was stunned. Fear? I feared a lot.

I couldn’t ask more as I was sent back forcefully. When I opened my eyes, I saw Bima was looking at me expectantly.

“What are you doing?” He asked carefully.

I pulled out my hand and steadied my breath. “Take him out.” I waved my hand.

I didn’t need to see whether my order was carried out properly, they would do it to their best.

I sat back, the question was played over and over in my mind.

My fear? I had so many fears. What did it mean?

As I was thinking about the question and the relation to the uncomfortable feeling I had inside, Sanji pushed the door opened. His hand went right to the switch as he turned on the lamp.

Now that the room was bright, I could see the anxiety in his eyes. My heart thumped loudly when I saw him.

Here it come!

“Jane, promise me you’ll be strong after you hear this.” He said carefully as he sat in front of me.

“What is it? Just tell me.” I was starting to feel suffocating. It was starting to feel hard to breathe.

Sanji took a deep breath before he started speaking. “Your father got into an accident. The car he was in fell off the road and flipped.”