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Chapter 194 - Meat Of The Conversation

"Ah, that\'s because of my principles."

"Principles?" Tristan asked confusedly.

This is like the 17000th this guy has got confused. I worry about his cognition.

"Principles are rules and beliefs that govern your behaviour. You can also think of them as laws that you impose upon yourself in order to decide how you should act in a particular situation."

Jesus, why do I have to teach such basic things to him? What am I, a walking dictionary?

These are the modern times, goddamnit. Just google shit like that, Tristan.

Wait, what year is it?

"I know what principles are," Tristan said exasperatedly. "I\'m asking what that has to do with you pretending to be Azell."

Goddamnit, Tristan.

"Like I said, principles are rules that govern your actions. So if I say that I acted like I was Azell because of my principles, that means that within my long list of principles, there is a particular principle which forced me to hide my real identity."

Good grief, I thought that was understood. Someone send this guy to a school.

"I already know that! I\'m asking what that particular principle is, and how it applied in this particular situation!"

"Then why didn\'t you just say that?"

Making me waste so much of my time, goddamnit. I swear to fucking God I\'m this close to taking out his kneecaps and playing Jenga with them.

Though a Jenga game with just 2 pieces won\'t be enjoyable.

"…"

"Anyway, this is a part of the extended lore behind me that I mentioned before. Hmm, where should I start…"

He\'d probably die of old age if I started listing all of my principles along with how and why I created them, so I\'ll have to be clear and concise.

But given how confused of a wanker he is, just outright telling him the actual principle would short-circuit his brain.

Hmm…

"Alright, let\'s consider today\'s fiasco from Lecia\'s perspective."

"Why Lecia?" He frowned.

"Just bear with me. Now, we both agree that today was quite possibly one of the worst days that Lecia has ever had. Right?"

"…I wouldn\'t deny that."

So he\'s self-aware, eh? This might be easier than I expected.

"Of course, you could argue that the \'days\' she had lived through before coming to us were much more horrible than today. But here\'s the thing; before we… rescued her from her father, she was used to the despair that came from living through those hopeless days."

Tristan\'s eyes silently prodded me to continue.

"So, objectively speaking, the life she was living before joining our Guild was much more horrifying than what she had gone through today. But from Lecia\'s own subjective point of view, those days were something normal for her, because that was her life right from the very beginning."

One could compare it to a rat living in a stinky shithole. For others, that shithole is gross and unliveable, but for the rat, who has been living there its whole life and has never ventured outside, that shithole is just a normal part of its normal life.

"Lecia had resigned herself to her fate, for she felt that what she was going through at that time was all that her life had in store for her. Yes, she had lost all hope."

Tristan\'s eyes slightly drooped. Was he feeling sorry for her now after realising her situation, or had he always pitied her?

"That\'s where Azell entered the scene. He rescued her from her devilish father, the hellish organisation and brought her to the New Dawn Guild. After a long time, or maybe for the first time in her life, Lecia finally felt human warmth. She experienced what it was like to be treated as something more than just a skill holder."

"…I can see that happening," Tristan quietly said.

"She was finally in a place where she, as a human, mattered. We cared for her, showered her with unconditional love, respected her choices. We treated her as a family. In the darkness of the despair she was drowning in, a ray of hope finally shone. She could finally look forward to her future. And then you showed up."

Tristan silently stared at me.

"Faced with the danger that was you, she felt her hope shaking. But she didn\'t let it collapse. She probably thought that we\'d come to save her. And that\'s where I entered the scene."

Except that in this case, I wasn\'t the Hero swooping in to save the damsel in distress.

"I never did understand why you acted that way," Tristan commented.

"My actions caused Lecia to lose her hope and fall back into her despair; she had no other choice after being faced with my betrayal. The hope that she so desperately tried to protect was shattered by me. Once she lost that hope, she was forced to face her old fears, wondering whether she would stay with you forever. She faced the cruel reality that nothing lasts forever."

"You asshole."

Wow.

"Technically speaking, Lecia just went back to the life she was living before meeting us, but this time, the despair that came with it was much, much deeper. Do you know why?"

"Because she tasted that hope."

Nice.

"Hey, you do know your stuff. Like you said, because Lecia had felt the warmth of the ray of hope, the darkness of her despair felt much colder. This time, Lecia knew exactly what she had lost. What do you think she was feeling once she realised that? Despair? Grief? Wrath? Or maybe all of them? You\'d know. You tried to use that gap in her defence, after all."

He almost succeeded in turning Lecia against me.

No, it\'s possible that he actually succeeded and right now, Lecia is planning a nefarious ploy to plunge me into the deepest depths of despair.

That could be mildly amusing, but I highly doubt she could pull anything interesting off with her current abilities.

She would just fall like the countless before her have fallen.

"Anyway, the bottom line is that Lecia was at the absolute lowest point of her life. I doubt she could go any lower that that; we set the bar too high."

"And?" Tristan asked, a bit impatiently.

"Now, at that lowest point, Azell came to save her. What do you think she felt then?"

"It wasn\'t Azell, but you."

"Yes, but Lecia thinks that it was Azell. And to her, Azell, the man who saved her and gave her hope back, would be her Hero, her Saviour who she could devote her entire being to. In her heart, Azell would be something greater than God; an object of supreme reverence who she belonged to."

"Yes, and that would have been had you not pretended to be Azell-" Tristan\'s eyes suddenly widened.

"Exactly, Tristan. That\'s the point I\'m trying to make."

"What the…"

"And that brings us to the principle I was talking about. I will save my comrades, without letting them know that it was me who saved them."

Whew, it sure took a bit of time to get to the meat of the conversation.