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Chapter 110 - From Now on, I Will be a Happy, Mentally Unwell Person

Translated by Eve

Edited by Serefina

11. From Now on, I Will be a Happy, Mentally Unwell Person

The man in his arms was so pale it looked like there was not a single drop of blood in him. His black hair gradually turned white inch by inch.... This once lively person gradually lost his color, looking like he would soon disappear from this world....

Mo Cang’s hand shook. If he couldn’t feel the soft heart beat in this person’s chest, he would have thought that he had already died.

His lips shook and out came a pained lament with suppressed emotion, “Shifu....”

I’m sorry....

You’ve never hurt me. But I had been blinded by the illusion I thought was reality and was controlled by my selfish possessiveness....In the end, I made an irrevocable mistake.

I should have trusted you, but I didn’t.

I was wrong. Please wake up, OK?

Mo Cang lowered his head and gently caressed Xie He’s eyes. The man’s peaceful appearance made it look like he had fallen asleep. There were no signs of him waking up.

His fingers gently stroked the other’s white hair before tightly holding a lock in his hand.

He had refined his master into a puppet and then cruelly used the soul searching technique on him....

This was the person closest to him, as well as the person he loved the most.

But he had repeatedly betrayed him, hurt him.

The suffering in Mo Cang’s eyes looked like it would soon drip out. His fingers slightly twitched. A silver insect crawled out of Xie He’s mouth. The beautiful insect’s wings vibrated and it fell into Mo Cang’s hand. It intimately rubbed against his palm. However, Mo Cang didn’t hesitate to clench his fist with force, causing the insect to be crushed into fine powder, before dissipating in the air. This was the silver-threaded Gu that he had refined with diligence. When he destroyed it, it caused harm to himself, causing him to spit out a mouthful of blood!

However, Mo Cang’s expression didn’t change. He wiped the corner of his lips and carefully carried Xie He, heading outside one step after another.

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Xie He’s Immortal’s Cave had already been restored to its original state. The destroyed areas have been meticulously repaired by Mo Cang. He had also fixed up Xie He’s herb garden. Except for when he had matters to attend to, he spent all his time by Xie He’s side.

Several days passed but Xie He remained in deep sleep. Mo Cang knelt on one knee by Xie He’s bed and gently pulled on the quilt, cautiously covering the other, flattening all wrinkles. He stayed there in a daze, as if he had nothing else to do. After a while, he walked out and then came back in with a basin of water. He helped Xie He wipe his cheeks and moistened the other’s cracked, pale lips.

When he really had nothing else to do in the end, sorrow once again arose in Mo Cang’s eyes. “Shifu, wake up, OK...?”

“If you wake up, you can punish me however you like....”

But there were no movements from the man on the bed.

It had already been more than ten days. There were no signs of waking from Xie He. Mo Cang gazed at the other’s long white hair. It felt like his heart was being torn apart over and over.

This was all his fault. He had sucked out his master’s power, using the other as a cultivation furnace. He had also forcefully turned the other into a puppet and then used the soul searching technique without any consideration of the other’s weak body. The already unstable cultivation completely collapsed and his spiritual force dissipated. Xie He was now a crippled person.... This broken body could not go on. That was why his hair had turned white and he wouldn’t wake up.... His light had almost been extinguished.

Everything constantly reminded him of his deeds.

Mo Cang bent over and lowered his head to gaze at Xie He’s face. That grave and stern face looked like it was covered with a layer of frost.

His gaze fell on those pale lips. He stared blankly at the other for a long time, seeming to want to kiss him. But in the end, he didn’t dare to.... Mo Cang shut his eyes, restraining the pain in his eyes. “Shifu....”

He lay on his side next to Xie He on the bed and gently brought the other into his arms. It felt like he was holding his only source of warmth amidst a freezing winter day.

This was the only person that could make him feel alive.

Even if there would only be pain and regret for the rest of his life, he didn’t want to let go.

..........................................

【444：Host dada, recently there’s been several new games in the system store. Do you want to play them?】

&#k3010;Xie He&#kUU1J;No, it’s about time to wake up. Smile.JPG&#k3011;

【444：(⊙v⊙) Mn.】Seeing how happy Host dada was playing every day, he had thought the other had no plans on waking up, ne.

&#k3010;Xie He&#kUU1J;I feel like my good disciple has almost reflected for long enough. After all, I’ve so generously given him so much alone time to ponder over his mistake. He’s lucky to have such a patient elder like me. &#k1U642; &#k3011;

【444：......】Honestly, he thought that Mo Cang would be happier if Host dada was a bit stricter with him. _(:зゝ∠)_

Mo Cang came to Xie He’s room again at night. He wore black clothes and his entire body reeked of blood. He had gone out searching for some Heavenly spiritual matter that could help save Xie He’s life. However, he had been ambushed by a group of demons halfway and nearly died. It had been difficult to escape.

He didn’t dare tarry. He rushed back without rest. Xie He’s body right now was like a funnel. There was no way for him to accumulate spiritual energy. He needed him to constantly feed him spiritual matter to just hang on. Otherwise, he could die at any time.

Mo Cang returned to the room. He didn’t even have time to change his clothes. He took out the River Lotus Seed he had obtained today and gently pried Xie He’s lips apart before placing it inside.

As soon as the lotus seed entered the other’s mouth, it transformed into a sparkling and translucent light green liquid and slid into his throat.

This was an extremely rare spiritual item. It had a warming medicinal effect and was full of vitality. If a normal person used this, they could come back from near death. However, on Xie He, it could only help him live for another two days, and just barely at that.

After Mo Cang did all of this, he was about to go change and wash up. How could he serve at his master’s side all filthy like this?

However, before he left, he suddenly heard a very soft voice from behind. That voice was so soft it sounded like a breeze just passing by. If one wasn’t attentive, one would missed it. However, in Mo Cang’s ears, it was as loud as thunder. His steps halted at once!

Has Shifu woken up at last?! Pleasant surprise appeared in Mo Cang’s eyes. He was about to turn around but suddenly hesitated.

Was he imagining this? These days, he had seen his master wake up in every single one of his dreams. Sometimes, he would be distracted and think that he heard Shifu’s voice...but in reality, it was all fake. Every time he turned to look with extreme anticipation, he would discover that the man was still quiet as always.

This time...was it also his imagination?

Pain and struggle appeared on Mo Cang’s face. He slowly turned around. So what if it was his imagination? He didn’t want to let go of any chances. He had long since gotten used to being met with disappointment. He was just afraid that he would miss Shifu waking up....

He walked back, one step at a time. His gaze was on Xie He’s face and he gently called out, “Shifu, are you awake?”

However, Xie He didn’t move. He was still asleep.

Mo Cang watched for a long time. Self-deprecation emerged in his eyes. He was about to leave again when the eyelashes of the person on the bed began to tremble slightly.

Mo Cang’s pupils suddenly constricted. No, this wasn’t his dream this time....

Just now, it really moved....

Mo Cang suddenly bent over and came in close to Xie He. His hands gripped both sides of the bed and he began to shake softly. His heart was beating fiercely, going thump thump. The expression on his face was rigid and there was both hope and fear in his eyes. His voice was hoarse, “Shifu....”

Xie He’s snow-like eyelashes quivered and he slowly opened his eyes. His black eyes were peaceful, like a lake. It seemed to take a while before he made out the person before him.

Mo Cang’s heart felt like it would jump out of his throat or even his eye sockets. He recalled all of the cruel things he had unjustly done to Xie He, as well as the pained expression Xie He had used to look at him before. Suddenly, he was choked with emotion and couldn’t say a word....

Just as he had prepared himself to be loathed and criticized, he saw fear appear in Xie He’s eyes.

Xie He opened his mouth and let out indistinct ‘ah ah’ sounds. There was fear and a look of unfamiliarity in his eyes, as if he was looking at something extremely horrifying and trying to retreat from it with all his might.

Mo Cang’s heart suddenly felt like it fell into a world of ice.

The worst thing that could happen, happened.

Extreme suffering appeared in his eyes at this moment. This was the reason he hadn’t been willing to use the soul searching technique on Xie He before, despite being so jealous and angry. It was because the soul searching technique would harm the other’s soul. Most of the people who had the soul searching technique used on them would go insane or even become extremely mentally unwell....

He knew that this would happen, but he still had a ridiculous hope that his master would be able to get through it.... In the end, he had been wrong.

He shouldn’t have had such a ridiculous hope. Since the moment he had lost his reasoning and done something so unforgivable, he no longer had any luck.

At this moment, Mo Cang would rather meet with Xie He’s icy eyes full of hatred. Even if he was scolded or reprimanded severely, it would still be better than facing this Xie He, who was afraid of him. That once arrogant, powerful man had finally been tormented into someone not even he himself would recognize.

Mo Cang swallowed down the bitterness in his throat. The pain in his heart rushed into his veins. It was akin to having oneself skinned and one’s bones torn apart.

【Ding, the target Mo Cang’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 97.】

A long time later, Mo Cang spoke quietly, “Shifu, it’s me...I won’t hurt you....”

However, Xie He didn’t seem to understand what he was saying. Still, frightened ‘ah ah’ noises came out of his throat. He seemed to want to withdraw himself into the wall. His white hair was scattered all over the bed, his shoulders shaking.

Mo Cang reached out, wanting to hold those trembling shoulders, but before he could get close, he heard a mournful shriek from Xie He. His hands immediately froze in midair.

He gazed deeply at Xie He and finally, slowly took back his hand. His knuckles turned white from clenching and he slowly said, “Don’t be afraid, I will leave.”

After saying that, he turned and left.

His feet felt like they had been cemented to the floor with every step.

【444：......】

【Xie He：What’s wrong, Baby?】

【444：O(∩_∩)O~】It’s nothing, it’s just a bit nauseating. He’s never seen a mentally unwell Host dada before, ne.

【Xie He：Baby, are you discriminating against the mentally unwell? Smile.JPG】

【444：No! Σ( ° △°|||)︴】

【Xie He：Everyone has a duty to take care of those that are mentally unwell. Moreover, being mentally unwell can be a blessing. I think that you, Baby, should have a deep feelings regarding this. 】

【444：......】He feels like he’s being scolded indirectly. Was he imagining things? He wasn’t mentally unwell! ╭(╯^╰)╮

..........................................

Mo Cang did not come in for a whole night. But actually, he hadn’t left. He had stood outside the door, listening for movements. He was afraid that if something happened to Xie He, he wouldn’t be able to save him in time, so he didn’t dare go far.

After a very long period of time, just when Mo Cang thought Xie He had fallen asleep, he suddenly heard a thump inside.

He promptly pushed the door open and entered. He was met with the sight of Xie He lying near the window, trying to escape. But in the end, he didn’t have enough strength to even crawl over the window sill so he had fallen. His originally pale face was even more deathly white. His back eyes were full of dread. He turned and ran to a corner, hugging his knees while shaking.

Mo Cang really wanted to hug him, to comfort him, and to tell him that he needn’t be afraid, but he didn’t do that. Instead, he turned around and left again, looking decrepit.

The next morning, as soon as there was a little light outside, Mo Cang was going to leave. Xie He needed to eat spiritual matter every day to live on. This kind of consumption couldn’t even be sustained by a large sect. Mo Cang could only incessantly think of all means possible for him to secure them. Fortunately, his cultivation was high. Otherwise, he would have failed to persist a long time ago.

He was worried that Xie He would hurt himself by running around wildly. He used a spell to lock the windows and doors. Only then was he able to leave, although he was still not reassured.

When he came back at night, Mo Cang was once again covered in wounds. However, his luck today wasn’t good. He hadn’t found anything.

He changed his clothes and washed off the bloody scent from his body before going to Xie He’s room.

Just as he was about to push the door open, he paused for a moment.

Sorrow and helplessness appeared in Mo Cang’s eyes. But still, he pushed the door open. At first glance, he could see Xie He huddled on the floor. The other had fallen asleep at some point. Mo Cang gently carried Xie He to the bed. He held the other’s hand and was about to tuck him in when he saw that Xie He’s hands were hurt. He had probably scratched at the door when Mo Cang had been away.

Mo Cang’s heart hurt endlessly. He helped the other wipe his wounds clean and then applied medicinal ointment on them.

He sat on the bed in a daze, looking at Xie He who was asleep with furrowed brows. Suddenly, he let out a low, hoarse voice, “Shifu, what should I do...? What should I do...?”

“Scold me or hit me, please? I promise I’ll be good...I won’t make you angry again.”

..........................................

Mo Cang rushed about outside for several days in a row but his harvest wasn’t good. He had gone to every dangerous or difficult area within a thousand li. He had plucked all the spiritual matter around them clean. But it wasn’t enough...it was nowhere near enough....

When he came back tonight, he discovered that Xie He wasn’t fussing. He only slept there quietly. His face was covered in the grey tint of death.

Mo Cang held him with trembling arms and gently called out, “Shifu?”

Xie He didn’t reply. He continued to sleep, breath weak.

Mo Cang’s heart felt like it was bleeding. This was all his fault. He had ruined his master’s body to this point. Shifu had already been heavily injured in the underground abyss. It had been difficult for him to cultivate anew and reach such a level. The consequence of having lost all his spiritual force again was that this body would no longer be able to hold spiritual energy ever again. He was like a ruined funnel.

Even if he ate those spiritual substances, he could only absorb less than 1% of it. Therefore, he could only persist for a short period of time after ingesting each one.

Mo Cang looked at Xie He, suffering in his eyes, Shifu, I’m too useless, I couldn’t find any spiritual matter...”

Actually, he had a way to help Xie He live on. That was to give the other his own spiritual force via dual cultivation. Xie He had been used as his cultivation furnace. His body would accept him. Like this, passing him spiritual force would be more effective than feeding him spiritual matter every day.

But Mo Cang couldn’t do that. He couldn’t hurt Xie He again....

But at this moment, when Mo Cang looked at Xie He’s face that lacked all signs of life, when he thought that this person would die...he only felt like his heart was being scarred, scorched by fire. It hurt so much he wished for death. How could he lose this person? He couldn’t, ah....

Mo Cang gently held Xie He. There was panic and helplessness in his eyes—he looked like a child. A long time later, intense struggle flashed through his eyes. There was restrained pain in his voice, “Shifu, don’t blame me, OK. I really can’t lose you. I will continue looking for spiritual matter...I just need some time....”

Because he was afraid of hurting Xie He, Mo Cang’s actions were extremely gentle. A thin layer of sweat appeared on his forehead.

However, even if it was like this, Xie He still woke up in pain. Although he didn’t remember, his nightmarish memories were branded deeply into his soul. He couldn’t help but struggle and scream, doing everything he could to break free.

Mo Cang carefully held Xie He. He didn’t dare use any strength. His voice was soft, low and comforting, “Don’t be afraid, don’t move. I won’t hurt you.”

However, Xie He didn’t listen. He only struggled instinctively.

Mo Cang saw Xie He’s alarmed expression and heard his frightened screams. His heart twisted in pain, like he was in the furnace of purgatory. However, even though he was in so much pain, he still persisted on. He continued to slowly transfer pure spiritual force over.

When some vitality re-emerged on Xie He’s face, Mo Cang didn’t hesitate to stop. He wrapped Xie He up and gently caressed his back. His tone was low and relaxed, “It’s OK now, it’s OK now. It’s done. No more pain.”

He shut his eyes and then turned his head away.

His eyes stung. But he didn’t want Xie He to see his face right now. Even if Xie He didn’t understand...he was just suffering the consequences of his own actions. He had only himself to blame. Therefore, he should deal with it alone.

【Xie He：Baby, how much experience points have we made from selling?】

【444：10,000! \\\\(≧▽≦)/】

【Xie He：Very good, continue on. 】

Because his body couldn’t store spiritual force, the spiritual matter that Mo Cang had gone searching for had all been taken and sold by 444 except for the little bit Xie He absorbed. Although the sell-back price of the spiritual ingredients was really low, with the sheer quantity, it ended up being quite a bountiful harvest.

He had both experience points and a sex life—Xie He was really satisfied.

Eve: ...And here I was getting sad while XH is making money...sigh.

Kit: I was crying because I was thinking of how the original Ji Xing would feel until I was reminded that of course Xie He is benefitting from this and selling stuff off *rolls eyes*

sere: Σ( ° △°|||)︴ya mOOD this is why i’m slightly peeved that in scum gong the original host doesn’t get a full storyline, like what happened to the second half of their lives?? Anyway read DPUBFTB (which im also editing lmao) no scum ML only big fluff boi